Last night i spent a couple hours just fighting with God. Not a bad kind of fighting but a opening my eyes kind of fighting. I'm really tired today but i always find that after night like these i have a clear head. Sometimes i get really down on myself about things as stupid as the fact that I've never been in a meaningful relationship with a girl. I was really thinking about this last night because this week when i hung out with a bunch of my friends i realized i was the only one that didn't have a girlfriend. One of them pointed it out and said that they needed to hook me up and i laughed and said "good luck". The truth is I can't stay in dating relationships long because I'm always kinda scared to be out right and real with people. I'm a very outgoing person but i also have these moments that i just want to be honest and ask the hard questions in life. The ones that keep you up at night and make you talk with God alot. I always find comfort in the fact that i can talk to God about these things as cheesy as it may sound He is the only one that really understands me.
When it comes to girls I understand that He will place who He wants in my life and If I'm meant to be single my whole life then that's fine to. But if and when i meet her i want to be able to share both sides of myself with her and not fear rejection. I know there a things and places in my soul that she could never go and only God can understand but i would like for her to get the picture.
That said, I love my friends and they love me and accept me for what i am. Even if they do try to "hook me up" and fail at it sometimes.
I've been listening to one song that i feel is really the story of my life right now. Its called "Cinematic" by Cool Hand Luke
When it comes to girls I understand that He will place who He wants in my life and If I'm meant to be single my whole life then that's fine to. But if and when i meet her i want to be able to share both sides of myself with her and not fear rejection. I know there a things and places in my soul that she could never go and only God can understand but i would like for her to get the picture.
That said, I love my friends and they love me and accept me for what i am. Even if they do try to "hook me up" and fail at it sometimes.
I've been listening to one song that i feel is really the story of my life right now. Its called "Cinematic" by Cool Hand Luke
The other night I had a dream
It unfolded to the silver screen
A tragic fire, some tears were shed
I woke to find our hero dead
And wonder, ”What if this was me?”
If my life was cinematic
With a soundtrack so dramatic
You’d be the hero and You would save me
And it would have the sweetest ending
I want to live in such a way
That when I’m gone my friends would say
That if my life was turned to film
I’d be standing on a mountain shouting victory in the end
But in my heart I know it’s only true
If I’m supporting actor and the Oscar goes to You
If my life was cinematic
With a soundtrack so dramatic
You’d be the hero and You would save me
And it would have the sweetest ending
I don’t want to let You down
I want to make you proud
If anyone is watching me
I want to make it count for something
What if it ended here?
What if the credits rolled now?
What would the critics say?
Would it be the biggest let down?
If my life was cinematic
With a soundtrack so dramatic
You’d be the hero and You would save me
And it would have the sweetest ending
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