This is a collection of thoughts on faith, love, life and growing up. I would claim to be an expert but that be a lie, so instead I'll just say I'm learning. Thanks for reading and please pardon the sure to be common grammatical errors.
- Chris
Life is strange as of late. I find myself either incredibly depressed or incredibly inspired. I need to find some happy medium. I'm sitting on my computer in a macdonalds of all places but its always a bit comforting to me to watch kids play. I think they're hilarious because they have no sense of the problems in the world around them. They're happy to be with friends and they don't know pain outside of scrapping up their knees when they fall on concrete.
I miss that. I miss being young enough to fall down and be picked up again.
Like I said life is strange. Innocence only last so long then we get hit with a harsh reality that is we are in a rather dire situation here on earth. I'm thinking sometimes that we create this dire situation is it true that we like living in misery? Is it true that we somehow comfort in knowing that everything is wrong. My best bud suggested that whilst listening to 80's music he realized how much more upbeat and and positive it was. I was like holy crap all the music I listen to is so depressing, another indicator that things are a little off no doubt.
Coming from a kid that finds himself often living among his own personal demons, I can say often that I don't know anything else. That my head convinces my soul that this life is a tiresome affair that couldn't be over soon enough. I'd by lying if I said I haven't prayed to God recently "to take me home soon". I just get so worn down. So beat up by the current state of affairs.
The truth however is that I have nothing to complain about. I'm still blessed beyond words. I'm still incredibly lucky. I have a lot of things to point to as blessings. A lot of things that indicate the faithfulness of God in my life.
I'm sorry God for when I get whiney and ask for more than you've given. I'm sorry that I'm bitch a lot about things that are only mildly difficult in the grand scheme of things. You are good to me and this I need to remind myself always.
not sure exactly yet what it is. Something like a non fiction piece. Just covering life at 22 years old. Here's a rough introduction I worked out.
Their are times in all our lives that we find ourselves a little desperate. We could say we are in desperate need of some affection or in desperate need in a change of pace or maybe its something else that we are desperate for. We’re are all quite mad when we get desperate, honestly we do crazy things. Some of us get angry and punch walls, some plan trips on a whim, some of us drink until we are gone, and some of us find ourselves in the bed of someone we never thought we’d wake up too. This is how we react because we are human and it happens.
This story is written out of a time in desperation. Desperation brought about by change in the world around me. You see the life I know is ending and something I’m not quite sure of is beginning. Adulthood is a mystery I may never quite unravel but I’m certainly giving myself the best shot at it I’ve got. I’m sitting here watching a summer rain storm and If you’ve ever watched a summer rain storm in the midwest then you know its very similar to my story as of right now. It comes in with a fury and washes the old away to grow something new. It may take a while but it will grow.
I think this could take a while.
Thoughts? Like it? Hate it?
In other news, I finally have some form of income in the way of a barista job. Thats pretty friggin awesome. I'm so fascinated by coffee so I'm eager to learn about it. Hope all is well!
I'm not the smartest man alive. In fact I'm pretty sure I'm somewhere near the bottom of the percentile but as I've trudged myself through life I like to think I stumble across little nuggets of knowledge that are worth sharing. I like these moments because I feel as if I gain something out of my day thats valuable and doesn't just add to the noise of the world around me. All this to say that this journey is all preparation. Thats right I'm convinced that this is orchestrated, in a very strategic manner by our creator.
Think of it as this, you're life sucks because of (fill in the blank) and I totally agree your life sucks. Been there thought that, despite the fact that if we have food in front of us we are pretty damn lucky, still life situations cause much pain and heartache no doubt. However I'm maybe starting to acknowledge the greater purpose in all this pain and heartache.
Maybe we are learning, hurting to become better.
I think maybe my failures in life have taught me quite a few things about humanity. Maybe the God of the universe cares so much about us getting better that he allows us to go through ish that none of us like at all and yet when its finished we look at something good in our life and say I could have never done this right without doing that wrong.
We learn, we toil, we fall apart. Then we grow, we teach, and we gain what we worked hard for. Their is nothing wrong with scraping your knee as long as you learn to ride the bike. I'm learning.........look God no hands :)
Summer is arguably the best time in the Midwest. Its so very nice here. Vitamin D is flowing in the skin. Pools are open for the kids to splash around. Amusement parks are in full swing. The Reds are playing hopefully good baseball.
One of my favorite things to do in the summer is just to explore. Hop in the car and drive a road I've never been on before. Go hiking in some forest just to discover whatever their is to find.
This is also a season of renewal. Summer rain storms are the best they just soak the whole place, washing the world clean. A new chance for creation to be beautiful.
We all need these chances. Me as much as anyone, because I've been through a lot over the last year. I guess I have a shallow hope in this summer. That maybe for the first time in a long while I'll find some goodness to pull from the world around me. Some sort of cool blessing that shows itself into a future full of wonder. Haha maybe I'm asking for a bit much. The truth is life is changing and for the first time in my life I have no human hand to hold as I move forward. I am on my own for better or for worse. With the exception of my loyal traveling partner, Jesus that is.
I really love people. I have this fondness for human relationships. I see God in people and the way we chose to be good to one another. On the flip side I see satan in the way we chose to be harmful to one another.
Lately I feel as if I've been isolated from people and that in turn has made me more angry as a person. And this is why I need healing in this summer time. Some good conversations with new friends and old ones alike will certainly do the trick. However I've seen also how temporary those things are because I also need to place my hope firmly in Christ. In the fact that he has a future for me in his kingdom that I cannot wait to arrive in. Like seriously the idea of getting to go home sounds so wonderful. I think thats a good thing.
Anyway if you read this and you're in the cincy/dayton area of ohio this summer please inform me because I want some adventure!!!!
In light of my thought on going home here is a song to embrace it.
