All going up to grand masta G.......

i have a problem with humility. Especially when it comes to doing thing for God. I'm one of those people that does things that appear to be for God but are actually self serving. I like receiving praise for the things i do for Him. To be honest that scares the crap out of me because i know what i should be doing, giving all glory to Him. Its something a struggle with though, i think everyone enjoys praise but when i start to use God for my own glory, i become someone who is not a servant but a Pharisee. I don't believe God likes pharisees to much in fact he spends a good portion of the gospels correcting their wrongs and like the pharisees he is and will correct me.

We serve an awesome God like that, he gives us a nice kick in the rear when we need it. I like that about God he is willing to put up with our crap but instead of just leaving it there he allows us to heal and learn.

spring break will be here soon. I'm excited to see a few people i dearly miss. I think I'll have a good time.

Keep me in your prayers I love you all.
Peace. Hope. Love.

we learn through it all....

I believe in God, I believe in His plan, I just have a hard time trusting His plan sometimes. the beauty of this is the fact that I have people who are willing to ask the hard questions of me and force me to see beyond my emotion, and beyond myself. To be completely honest I'm a bit nervous about what my future holds. I have no definite direction as of right now, but i am starting to accept that and hold to the fact that God will open doors when needed.

I love being surrounded by Godly people here at Cedarville. I may not always love it here but i do love the wise council i have access to. I have a theory that God puts every single person in our lives to teach us something, i try to pull as much as possible from every single person i meet. I enjoy this it shows me how little i really know about life. humbles me and makes me stronger.

I'm listening to Explosions In The Sky right now. Its so beautiful, i think the fact that their music says something without ever having a lyric is amazing. It gives me hope for this world.

Anyway, i miss everyone. I love you all and hope we cross paths soon.
Peace.

war.....

I had the amazing opportunity to get to talk to a few brothers and sisters in God about the topic of War, tonight. It was great and a nice time of discussion without arguing, all in love. Here's what i took away from it.

War is so destructive and hard to encompass that it is hard to look at the old testament and not deny that God threw out judgement upon the people of Israel. Though you will notice that after Jesus arrived on the scene that there were no wars after him. This is where i kinda stand on the issue, i always know there will be wars but i don't believe there will be a just war. No war now is right. Jesus came to redeem us from, our sins he paid the price and took away all reason for war.

That's all i got in me tonight though cause I'm tired.

Anyway keep the peace you all.

sometimes i hit hard places.....

today i arrived at one today. I felt disgusted with what i was what i was doing in my life.

I believe God places people in your life to make you see things you previously would have never noticed. Pastor Rob of Apex was that person tonight. I really do like Apex alot, i feel comfortable there, like i can let down walls. That's a good thing by the way so most churches should take notes. His message tonight was about how were supposed to help each other when we screw up. It was exactly what i needed to hear, i feel like the one that screwed up right now. He said one thing that kind of made me tear up a bit. He said "when are we going to stop trying to make ourselves look so unbroken, when all God wants is us to be broken for Him". He said you may completely ruin your life but God can restore and use you to do great things. I believe through God i will someday be able to do great things for Him. But i still have alot of growing up to do to get there.

Pastor Rob used the passage of Jesus talking to peter and asking him three times if he loved him.Then Jesus would say then love my sheep. Rob said that Jesus was laying out the purpose of life right there. Love God, Love People. That's all i want to do, I'm just so helpless here and only through God can i do anything. I'm buying into that more and more these days. That's also a good thing.

I decided today I'm going to write a story about something I'm sure will be obscure.

Peace all, love you.

valentines day.....

its the loving day again. I hope you enjoyed your day with your sweetest i enjoyed getting to tell friends and family how much i loved them and appreciated them. In the midst of all of this today though i realized there are people in the world alone on this day, people that want to hear that they are loved. I ask that you simply keep those people in your prayers. And love on them if you get the chance not just on valentines day but everyday.

I had my first night of visiting the juvenile detention center tonight. It was great, I'm really excited to be able to try to give hope to some of these kids lives. They need it. They need Him. Just like i did.

Keep love in your hearts.

this generation,,,,,,

i had the pleasure of spending an evening listening to Shane Claiborne speak last night. check out his website here. He said some pretty powerful things throughout the night. Shane has a message of love, he's done time in Calcutta serving the people there and has started a community in Philadelphia to help poor and homeless families there. He was phenomenal as a speaker and as a person he said one thing that really stuck out to me that night though. At the very end of his speaking he said whenever we look up to God and say why don't you do something about this broken world we'll hear him whisper "i did, i created you". That sent a shiver down my spine, it is so true we are the difference in peoples lives you know. I feel that this generation is the first generation in a long time that is actually willing to lay their lives down to spread Gods love. I see it in the people in my life they know God is love to everyone, not just to keep to ourselves. I think if we truly appreciate something in our lives we naturally want to share it with others but the gospel somehow has not been. As crazy as this may sound i believe we can change the world, i believe we can change lives, i believe God can do anything he wants to with us as long as we are willing to do it.

I'm so excited for this. I talked to Shane afterwards he was one of the most humble men I've ever met. he refused to take credit for anything that he had done he just kept saying "we'll God is good". I want that humbleness in me! With Gods grace someday i will have it.

I will love as You have loved before me.
I will love all that i see.
I will love until its all i can be.

the kingdom......

very few movies have grabbed me and taken a hold of my heart in my life. I could probably count them on one hand. Tonight i watched the kingdom and it was very poetic, heartbreaking, and saddening. Honestly my emotions are still whirling from it so I'm just going to be talking out of my head here.

I will never understand senseless violence. I could spend my whole life studying it and i still wouldn't scratch the surface of why it exists. Religion tends to be the reason for alot of it, i can't defend Christianity in this we have killed thousands maybe millions over time. I'm not going to justify that because i can't, it wasn't right. I do apologize however for all Christianity has done, and how far it has strayed from its message of love. I sometimes think that if we could all just make a patent to love one person different then us in the world all this violence would cease. There so much evil in the world, so much hatred, so much despair. I sometimes cry just at the thought of these things, but despite all of the power of these things love is still more powerful. How do i know, when you look in the eyes of someone who hates you and genuinely care for them, they hate it because they don't know what to do. they have no outlet for their hatred, and it withers and possibly dies. I say all these things as a person who is honestly starting to feel pain when others hurt or hate or whatever. It's hard for me to accept these days.

The story of the kingdom was powerful because of this. No one wins in the end. This is hard for us to see in our world. We can kill every murderer in the world but does that make us better? Won't some new villain just rise from this, probably in time.

"My God, what a world you love"

And He does love us, each one of us, the killers, whores, Muslims, hypocrites, liers, and blasphemers in us all. He loves us. I don't know why but He does and as hard as it is for me to accept His love i am, day by day i am learning to accept it.

I want to help people see this too. And God will lead me there someday. I'm thankful tonight, i might not be every day but i am tonight. I'm thankful for the great nation that we live in, the people i get to spend my life with, and the God i am honored to serve.

Anyway, sleep well all, i love you, and I'm thankful for you.
Love like its your last chance.

what it felt like.......

I'm reading through the gospels right now and kind of approaching them in a different manner than i ever have before. I'm really trying to imagine beyond the words on the page and think of the stories from a natural human standpoint. I was reading about the death of John the baptist today and then the bible says when Jesus heard about it he withdrew himself on the sea to be alone. I tried to imagine what he felt at that time. The pain he must of felt to lose what was probably the closest thing he had to a brother on earth. I think we sometimes see Jesus as this person that didn't feel emotions, grief, or pain. I don't buy that i think Jesus felt everyone of these things, i even think there were times when he wanted to give up on his mission but he kept on going to save you, me, and everyone else on this filthy planet. So anyway i wrote a poem/lyric to capture this. Its not much but i think its kind of beautiful to imagine.

on this lonely sea

in a cloud of grief

i have every intention

to put this behind me

i cant hold you anymore

no I've lost you now

my brother has been slain!

father why does his blood

have to be spilt

on my account

its not that i doubt

what your doing here

but in this moment

when the first to die

is layed in the ground

i wonder if this is not

the only thing that can be done

it is only through me

i know these people

can be saved from themselves

but at what cost

what blood must be spilt

beside my own on this ground

Sometimes i ask myself if I'd be willing to spill my blood for the cause of Christ. The older i get the more and more i feel i would rather die that way then peacefully in some bed somewhere, surrounded by family and friends. I don't think there is anything more beautiful then dying for what you believe in.

Keep trusting all, maybe someday you'll die for his cause.

growing up...........

Tonight i had a long conversation with my good friend Natalie. I love the crap out of that girl but we covered so much ground that i just wanted to highlight some things not really in any kind of order.

One thing that we discussed was how to really honestly show people Christ. We are so screwed up with how we go about this. Here's a story for ya i went to a concert a few weeks ago and afterwards a man in passing handed me a gospel tract and said "you're going to need this". I wanted to smack the guy and say "your the reason people hate us". Sorry if your reading this and believe this is a great way of witnessing. I respectfully disagree. I think if we just honestly treated people, with love and respect that they would decide for themselves what they need. It's pretty obvious when God reveals himself to you that you do need Him. Love people, they will wonder why you do it. It's that rare in our culture these days.

The subject of growing up also came up. I used to think growing up was a gradual process that is a lie. We remain kids until we decide to become who we're meant to be. Growing up is sort of like jumping out of a airplane without a parachute and trusting you'll end up were you'll be. I was a kid up until two months ago, now I've accepted the responsibilities I have been given. I have to help people, its all i can think about, it's all i want to do for the rest of my life. This is growing up, this is being the person you will be.

We talked about how the simplest little things in the world, can have the greatest effect on us. It doesn't have to be much a hug, a kind word, a smile. They change us, i swear it really is the smallest things that can open our eyes wide to the world.

Then tackling the big one. The idea of no god in people. She talked about the big bang theory. How much lines up in it. There are still holes though, just like there are still holes in Christianity. We talked about how it ultimately comes down to faith but i do want to point out one thing Evolution, Big Bang all of them can't give you the peace. love, and feeling you get in God. Trust me I've now been on both sides of the card. There is a absolute loneliness in a world without God, thankfully we don't have to imagine the world.

That is all, make your lives wonderful, all of you.
Peace.
Love.
Hope.