Thursday, January 31, 2008

a glance......

do you ever think about why we need things. I think about it often. Like why we need people to like us? why we need to have security in our future? why we need to be able to look in the mirror and say your important to somebody? I don't think God created us to need anything but one thing and that is his love. Think about it if we had God with us here physically on earth would we still need all these things. I don't think so, so why do we still need them even if we still have God in our lives. I can't really answer that, besides our fallen nature. Sometimes i wonder what it would be like just to get a glimpse into life before the fall. How beautiful it must have been to see man and God walking and talking together. I can't wait for heaven, to be able to sit down next to God and listen to Him actually speak right there next to me, it sends chills down my spine. Every now and then i feel that distance we have between us. I know He's here beside me but that distance of not being able to see Him, to watch how He acts, distance is painful, trust me I've dealt with a lot of it lately. I hope this isn't depressing anybody because i don't want to do that. I just want to make an observation, i guess.

Be in peace, everyone and keep heaven on the horizon.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

what we are......

I'm really starting to realize how much i value relationships and how we are very much relational people. It's weird that God created us that way because relationships are the single hardest thing to deal with in our lives, yet they also give us the most joy and happiness. That is quite beautiful when you think about it the thing we love the most also hurts the worst. This also correlates directly with our relationship with God. I know there are times in my life that i have literally cursed God, i can see Him tears streaming down His face wanting to reach out and save me but knowing that what He is doing is best for me. We are the bastard sons and daughters for sure. But i think if we could be genuine in our relationships we would have such a better world to live in. I guess recently I've begun to see how much i base my life around the relationships i have and I've also felt how painful they can truly be. But thankfully God does it all with a reason and I'm learning to trust him more in that. I leave you with a verse

Proverbs 14:13
even in laughter the heart may ache
and the end of joy may be grief

Sunday, January 27, 2008

driving home today.....

from church i was listening to some Anberlin and I had one of those awesome moments with God. That's what i like to call it anyway, it was one of those moments that I feel God next to me genuinely walking every step of the way, almost giving me a glimpse of what He sees in the world. I'm not saying God isn't always there because He is it's just this was one of those moments of me actually consciously acknowledging His presence. Weird that it would occur as i was making my way out of a Walmart. I just started looking at people and saw the pain in their eyes. Then i got outside and the sun was shining bright in my eyes, the one God had allowed to rise that morning. I was taking back in awe of Gods creation and then the lives He plants inside it. I read once that we have two choices when looking at the vastness of Gods creation, we can either fear it go through our lives scared of the complexity and enormous size of creation, or we can stand in awe of what God was and is able to do with all His creation. I thought that was beautiful. Then the author said he looked at it as a act of worship. Which is also amazing because i think we have so many opportunities to worship what God has done with everything around us that we forget to acknowledge and love.

Just some thoughts. Hope everyone is doing fantastic.
Keep it real.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

a long one....

this could be a very long blog.

First i was reading today that the biggest lie that we believe in this world is that life is about us. How true how selfish for us to think that people, God should cater to our own needs. I think this is one of those things we shrug off as something we have heard a million times. I can't wrap myself completely around how selfish i am, why i do this is hard for me to understand. I know what i want to do it's just completely opposite of what i need to do. I guess we cant fully understand why we are like this until we understand what our lives could have been like before the fall. Sometimes i wish i could go back and tell Adam and eve not to take that stupid fruit. It's like everything we do can not be right, but at least we give our best shots and God loves us for that.

the second thing i was reflecting on is the idea of love or maybe lack there of found in our churches today as well as christian culture in general. Donald Miller says we equate love to money. We find someone priceless, we invest in them, we treasure there friendship. Its really like saying well i love you as long as you love me back and if you don't I'm going to drop you like a piece of crap and never look your way again. This isn't love this is about what we can get out of the people we surround ourselves. I'm guilty, when i look at when i truly help people out without expecting something in return, i realize its rare, like they should have a national celebration every time i do rare. I don't want that life. The church is really were we should find love but its not unconditional love. It's very much conditional. As long as you vote republican, don't drink, don't smoke, and don't like gays, we love you but if you actually love people, oh my that is a sin. There's no sin in loving people the bible says to love your enemies. Enemies being people who don't match up to your ideals that you disagree with. If we truly love them we won't have to change them they'll see in your life something they want, and they'll dig deep into those questions they struggle with and you can be there to show them were the answers come from. I don't think we need to go on with our lives expecting the church to have all the right views on things. They have somehow abandoned a lot of what the church was originally founded on, it's sad but true. The good news is that there are still people that love unconditionally because they love God and they know that Jesus would love the gays, the drunks, the drug addicts, the atheist and even the liberals(as shocking as this may be). I hope i can be that person some day, but for now I'm learning.

I guess that's all I've got to say. told you it would be long. and for the record i think the republican party is just as bad as the democrats.

Peace and love.

Friday, January 18, 2008

When the doubt hits......

we have to trust Him that much more. It's hard to do but that's what has to happen. I believe one day He will lead me where i need to be.

Monday, January 14, 2008

and it goes on.....

currently I'm chilling in my room. And i was thinking today how much i take for granted this place sometimes i look at it as a prison and that is totally selfish of me. people would kill for an opportunity like this. I'm a very selfish person and should consider it a privilege to get to study at this school. After all it's really just to learn more about Him and equip myself to go out into the world and share the love of Christ. Then i realized how much crap i have and how it kind of made me sick that there are people that don't have that stuff. I'm so blessed but rarely act like it. Just my head running i guess, love you all. keep it real with him.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

things are changing.....

inside me. God has called me to use my audio skills as a ministry. Doing what i have know clue but I'm so incredibly scared. i knew this was coming i just guess a part of me was trying to ignore it. but I've heard his voice now and i can't hide anymore. time to face up and listen. prayer is nice.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Its been a bit......

I've had no computer access for a while but I'm back.

Some thoughts for the day. I'm reading blue like jazz right now, its wonderful and I'm only through the first chapter. Today i was reading how much we put ourselves as number one. the thing is recently I've been feeling very selfish about just my life style in general. here's the thing i have nothing to complain about. observe great family, great friends, great school, great church, and a God that loves me beyond my understanding. I just want to be more selfless this year and give people a chance to be the amazing people they are. I want to look and see others in a picture and ignore that I'm even in it. It's so hard to do but i am practicing humility.

The weirdest thing about my life right now is that i would never have been saying these things a year ago. God has truly changed something in me i can't explain. He's placed people in my life that i absolutely love to death and is teaching me to let go of some of those people as well. Even though i really, really don't want to.

more to come! I'm clinging to God with my life.