Monday, April 19, 2010

Act One.............

When we're born we open our eyes to a world we've never seen and don't understand. There is a since of wonder in the eyes of children. A impending sense of discovery that pursues them around every bend and every change. Somewhere in my life I lost that, I lost the sense of narrative in my own life. I lost the fact that I do have a my part to play in a grand narrative that I do not author.

This week I came to the realization that life is a frail thing. It comes and goes as swiftly as it enters. We are born in 9 months, we can leave in a second. I don't understand death, it's like some dark monster that hides out in a closet ready to steal our body from this earth. It ravages families, breaks hearts, and leaves us asking the tougher questions.

We are born, we breath, we die.
3 acts.
We all get them but most of us never even use them. Today I realized for the past 21 years I have not used them, or in the very least used them unwisely. I often catch myself putting off things in my life whether it be changes, schoolwork, or relationships because I simply feel it can be done tomorrow. I now realize that today and only today is when it should be done. Risk must be taken, pains must be felt, lessons must be learned, and forgiveness must be given. I am nothing, no one special and if I ever start to feel as if I am then I want God to slap me across the face.

Today I want to live a story, that I can look back on and say there was a sense of wonder in all that I did but also death had no type of role in the story it was nearly an end that leads to a sequel (and this one will be better than the first!)

with much love and peace I present to you

Act 1: New Life

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

strange and unprepared......

I'm good at very little. I like to think that somehow I've been a decent friend in this lifetime. I definitely don't give anywhere near the time that I should to my relationships and maybe someday I'll learn to be a better steward of my time in that regard but for now I limp through them. With hope and regards for the future. I love my friends though and don't ever think that I don't feel the burden and the weight of the blessing that have been handed to me.

Today I had to for the very first time contemplate the reality of leaving this reality behind for something more in this life. Here's the truth for sometime I've been thinking of moving out west, more specifically to the pacific northwest. Portland has been calling my name for sometime now. Why Portland? I think I need a break from the traditional values of the Midwest and some artistic new perspective that I can breathe in. Leaving my friends though, that's the hard part. Its hard when you think "well I have everything, friends, opportunities". Yet I want a second chance on a place to live, breathe, and grow, Ireland was in some strange way step 1 wherever end up is step 2.

Maybe I'll change my mind a year from now, maybe I won't but I will definitely be something new and different because of both my maker and the love I will give/find.

Much peace and love.