Learning how to heal.......

I'm not much for healing. In fact I think that I've never taken time to let things heal. To learn how to forgive. To learn to turn over my own inability to let go to a God that wants nothing more than to see me better. Te see me stronger. I am not as strong as I'd like to be in so many different areas of my life. I really believe maybe for the first time that all my strength must be derived from God. I have to lay down myself everyday till I reach heavens gates.


I'm really trying to live a good story finally. Not a story that has its good parts. Then has its very poor parts. I want the story to really be about God and what He can do through me.


My plans. My ways. My desires. Even my dreams.


Must come second, to His narrative. The story of salvation to a world that abandoned its King.


I can't believe he stuck around. Never gave up on us. We serve a really cool God.


Thanks for listening and if you're praying thanks for that as well.

The only peace I've found..........

The longer I’m alive the more I see how chaotic life is. The more I see that its so easy to get washed away in the storm of the day to day. I see how people live for the next little glimmer of hope in their lives. A momentary fleeting joy to cover up the truth that they are floating without direction in an endless sea of other human bodies. 

I can’t live like this. 

I don’t know how people do. 

Here’s the deal. I know life is hard. I know it exhausts us to either retirement or an early grave but I refuse to believe that life must be lived this way. I refuse to hold to the patterns of the common. I refuse because I know their is more to this existence. Their is true unbridled joy that comes not from human ways. 

God has never claimed to be normal. Jesus was a radical every way you slice it. Why should I be different? Why should I settle for a life of average when I can find peace and joy in the life of living as a radical in Christ. 

I can honestly say that my life is only at peace when I am resting in the arms of my savior. I am truly starting to believe that this is all I want for my life. I just want to serve and learn and share the peace I’ve found with others. 

My life would be complete in that. Completely emerged in the presence of God. 

Just been on my thoughts a lot lately. Also God has really blessed me with a few cool job opportunities so I feel very thankful for that. 

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope” Romans 15:13

A few tunes that are meaning a lot recently......

"You're Beautiful" - Phil Wickham

This song for me is unusual because its by Phil Wickham which is sort of girly but I think this song has some wonderful imagery about the beauty of God in the world around us. I love the wedding bells line to, so very hopeful! 

"Untitled"- My Epic

I think this band essentially gets it. I think this song is a wonderful look at that majesty of Christ the man that came and walked the earth in flesh like ours, so our flesh could not control us anymore. Wonderful imagery again used. 

"Dirty and Left Out" - The Almost

This song is extremely personal to me. I remember the first time I heard it, I just sat motionless and prayed with tears in my eyes. I think its honest and intensely human.

"How he loves" John Mark Mcmillian 

Instead of linking to this song this is a video of John talking about the story behind this song. He's a man thats truly in love with a Jesus some of us never get to see. 

Aarons Story

This is a video with Aaron just talking about his life, struggles and perseverance in Christ. Good stuff.

I hope these video and songs bring you joy and hope as they do me. Worship is something so precious so please allow these to help you in that act. 

Hosea..........

Through out the old testament their is a very common theme. Its sort of like a violent shoreline that God orchestrates into something beautiful. The shore line is of course Israel but what is so interesting about Israels story is the way that it mirrors our personal human story. This is maybe no better summed up than in the book of Hosea. A lot of people think I'm crazy when I say thats my favorite book of the Bible but for me I think its a no brainer.

You see Hosea is about a whore. Thats right, a prostitute. Its also about a man that is commanded by God to go and take this whore as a wife. A odd request from and even odder God but as always their is beauty in this bit of madness.

You see God uses this couple, people from two completely different worlds to show Israel itself. To show the depravity of the situation. God even goes so far as to have the kids conceived from this marriage named after the different parts of the situation. I find this to be well, crazy! But God shows his faithfulness to this situation.

You see once a whore, always a whore. Or so they say. However whats truly amazing is the God of the universe doesn't really believe in all that rubbish. In fact God proved his faithfulness to the whore by having her husband take her back.....again and again. God also took Israel back very much the same way.

And then their's us. Yes we are whores. We are rampant sinners stuck in these frail frames that have been destroyed by so many years of abuse, brokeness, depression, and addictions. Like the story of Hosea we are bought, paid for, redeemed. We have been given names in Christ. Second chances, third chances, and so on.....

I am in awe of this story. Mostly because I am constantly in awe of our story. The story of whore. That whore was and is me. A man that lost his way. That had no chance to survive.

Then someone came and took me home and said your a part of the family now.  You are my son. I am your father.

What a story. What a narrative to be a character in.

I am so thankful for Gods love for me and for never giving up on me.


"Go again, love a woman who is loved by another man and is an adulteress, even as the LORD loves the children of Israel, though they turn to other gods" Hosea 3:1 

I am the bastard son.........

I wonder sometimes the impact that we have on other people and how our kindness and grace can affect them for good in their lives. Can we help people see good things in their lives. Often I need help seeing good in mine, I think God created us to be around each other but ever since we messed up the whole perfect garden of eden thing that we’ve struggled to find our place again. Its hard for me to love people the same way I tend to so selfishly love myself. I think its a work in progress, something thats taken me years and years but I’m seeing it now. The good we can do. Wherever we are. I think that its good to know that God knows me because honestly at this point in my life its been hard for me to understand myself so often. I’m just in such a flux that its hard for me to see the good in situations, I find myself angry and bitter at the events in my life. At the lack of attention given to me, God’s greatest child (Duh I’m right here). Yeah I know I’m an ass. 

The truth is I’m being selfish expecting God to do something. Its as if I’m waiting for him to perform a miracle and bring me something new to show his commitment to me. Am I completely selfish? Am I so obssesed with the goodness of my own well being that I forget to look around and see all the good things already handed to me. I just ask for more and more. When am I satisfied? When do I settle down and accept that God is in my life each day whether I chose to acknowledge him or not. I’m terrible. I am so bad at this. 

I find myself giving a laundry list of things to God to give me answers too:

I need a job. 

I need friends.

I need to move out. 

I need money.

I need direction.

I’m so tired of trying to fill my needs. Fill my desires. When did I become so selfish? When did I find myself with such a me focused attitude? 

God please have patience on this man who has lived and incredibly selfish lifestyle for so long. Please protect me from my persistent self-righteousness. 

Their is a line in a song that I love that says.

I still believe that change can happen
Though it's hard and it happens slowly
I still believe forgiveness comes with love
And God when it washes over me

I’m finding healing, forgiveness, love are something learned.They are not a formality. Its not something that automatically happens. Its something that we build towards. Something that takes time and a nursing attitude towards. 

God has so much for us. I know this. I want to serve Him. I don’t know what that looks like yet. I know it includes lots of conversations. Lots of giving. Lots of sacrifice. Lots of working my hands raw. 

Today I will begin this work for my Lord. 

Don’t be like me. Love life. Embrace it. Even when it starts to fall apart. Holdfast to the hope in Jesus. 

I am a pilgrim, a voyager

I won't rest until my lips touch the shore

Of the land that I've been longing for as long as I've lived

Where there'll be no pain or tears anymore 

Live.........

Live. Yes Live. 

Do not fear living. Do not fear a God that wants us to do just that. 

Live. Yes Live. 

Dance till your feet are blistered. Run until you legs give out. Swim till you cannot see the shore. Love until your heart is spent. Laugh until tears are flowing. Embrace as if its your last chance to do so. 

Live. Yes Live. 

We are here to live and we shall rest with a savior when we are dead. If you are unsure of this rest then Live within his thoughts and search him out. Its your journey and I promise He is the perfect travel partner. 

Live. Yes Live.