Saturday, June 27, 2009

the days move on.........

sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I could stand outside of myself and watch to see my life play out. As of late I've been so mixed on my feelings about everything God, Love, My Actions, Job, Direction. Maybe all my fears have come to a head and bad timing has just lined them all up to slap me in the face at once. At the same time I feel like all timing is still tuned to the clock of God and that is at least a moderately comforting thought. I will be honest I hate trials there very shitty and make me press forward often when I would rather just sit back and die. I often have trouble finding good in these kind of situations and seemingly focus often on the bad. So whatever I'm being taught right now, at this point all I can say is it has defiantly hurt like hell to figure out so it better be some huge life lesson. I know I sound pissed off and I'm really striving to stop being like that. I'm honestly taking each day at a time cause honestly that's all I can pretty much do at this point. Trying to stay positive and say what I need to say with each day. Sounds simple but dear god it has been hard.

Life is beautiful............its just sometimes it gets hidden behind the crap of the now.

Sleep Well. Pray for me.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

as these things go..........

well I must say the days have been getting slightly better. I don't feel amazing by any means but things are improving I haven't lost any friends in this whole tangled mess and that is very much a good thing. Mostly because I couldn't stand to lose the person that this focuses around, she is simply put one of my best friends and I really do care a lot about her. Timing just once again hasn't worked in my favor and I can accept that, as bitter as it may taste I need to put my friends lives first. I guess that's all I have to say I guess. I still don't get love one bit and think that it may never make sense to me. Oh well time will tell.

Friday, June 5, 2009

when things don't feel right............

right now I can't even begin to describe how much things suck. Sometimes I just don't get life and how it decides to turn my world on its head in such an instant. I feel like each and everyday this week just more and more pain starts to stack itself on my chest and I can't sleep, I don't eat much, and I don't know what to do. I've been reading a little bit again and honestly I don't think its helping much this time. I just can't even imagine what I'm supposed to learn from this entire situation. I hate relationship stuff it just hurts my head, my heart, and opens wounds I thought had healed. The worst part is I feel for the most part in this situation I did the right thing and somehow got screwed because of it. I need lots of friends right now and tons more thoughts and prayer. Please oblige!

~A man in desperation for the first time in a long time