Tuesday, October 20, 2009

the knowledge in knowing you know nothing.........

My experiences in life so far have taught me pretty much this: I know nothing except for a few things. I really do believe in Jesus and I believe in what he did. You may ask how can i believe in some man who walked on water, fed thousands, water to wine and all that other random crap. I wish i could give you some deep philosophical answer but i can't. I believe because he stands out from everyone else that has ever even made a scratch at the world. He not only talked about solutions to problems but he became a solution to problems. He was a savior even before he hung from a piece of wood and that to me is enough. I need some hope i tell you, some bloody, messy, abused and broken piece of hope to hold on too. Or else i would wither up and die. I'm no good at life and this i know but I'm pretty good at seeing that I'm worthless without any compass of hope. I need some wonder i suppose, a knowledge that there are those that defy the logic in this world and that because of it they perform something much more beautiful than i could ever understand in my humanity.

I'm often a doubter, mostly cause I'm a thinker. Often thinker's drive themselves to insanity, this i take into account often. I think we were meant to think, i really do but i also think at the end of the day it might be alright if we put what we thought about under the pillow and then leave it there the next morning when we get up and find it again later. Then compare what we did learn to what we now have learned.

Lots of random thoughts tonight. Its been an interesting journey on the other side of the world and one that I often take for granted. I have a dream that i get back home and i can never be comfortable again. Like my soul has no real home anymore and the experinces that i've had here can never be put into a photograph or spoken about. Things run deeper i suppose. There's a quote from Frodo that kept running through my head tonight:

How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand there is no going back? There are some things time cannot mend. Some hurts that go too deep that have taken hold.

I'm starting to understand them.

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