Act One.............

When we're born we open our eyes to a world we've never seen and don't understand. There is a since of wonder in the eyes of children. A impending sense of discovery that pursues them around every bend and every change. Somewhere in my life I lost that, I lost the sense of narrative in my own life. I lost the fact that I do have a my part to play in a grand narrative that I do not author.

This week I came to the realization that life is a frail thing. It comes and goes as swiftly as it enters. We are born in 9 months, we can leave in a second. I don't understand death, it's like some dark monster that hides out in a closet ready to steal our body from this earth. It ravages families, breaks hearts, and leaves us asking the tougher questions.

We are born, we breath, we die.
3 acts.
We all get them but most of us never even use them. Today I realized for the past 21 years I have not used them, or in the very least used them unwisely. I often catch myself putting off things in my life whether it be changes, schoolwork, or relationships because I simply feel it can be done tomorrow. I now realize that today and only today is when it should be done. Risk must be taken, pains must be felt, lessons must be learned, and forgiveness must be given. I am nothing, no one special and if I ever start to feel as if I am then I want God to slap me across the face.

Today I want to live a story, that I can look back on and say there was a sense of wonder in all that I did but also death had no type of role in the story it was nearly an end that leads to a sequel (and this one will be better than the first!)

with much love and peace I present to you

Act 1: New Life

strange and unprepared......

I'm good at very little. I like to think that somehow I've been a decent friend in this lifetime. I definitely don't give anywhere near the time that I should to my relationships and maybe someday I'll learn to be a better steward of my time in that regard but for now I limp through them. With hope and regards for the future. I love my friends though and don't ever think that I don't feel the burden and the weight of the blessing that have been handed to me.

Today I had to for the very first time contemplate the reality of leaving this reality behind for something more in this life. Here's the truth for sometime I've been thinking of moving out west, more specifically to the pacific northwest. Portland has been calling my name for sometime now. Why Portland? I think I need a break from the traditional values of the Midwest and some artistic new perspective that I can breathe in. Leaving my friends though, that's the hard part. Its hard when you think "well I have everything here...family, friends, opportunities". Yet I want a second chance on a place to live, breathe, and grow, Ireland was in some strange way step 1 wherever end up is step 2.

Maybe I'll change my mind a year from now, maybe I won't but I will definitely be something new and different because of both my maker and the love I will give/find.

Much peace and love.

you could say a lot of things.........

about life but tonight I just wanna say it is good. I'm feeling content, it feels weird. I think lately I've just found some peace about the way things are and the people I have around me. It's great stuff and I'm happy :)

In other news I'm scrambling to get all my projects done before summer gets here and make no mistake about it, it will be here fast. It is exhausting to think about honestly but hey I'm happy.

On another note, Kenny Vasoli is awesome and you should check out all of his projects.

Thats it.

Pray for:
Russia and their want for vengeance for the killings.

its never easy.........

it seems. Crazy how busy life can be with school work, big productions, and leadership responsibilities. In the midst of that I try to put God aside to handle things myself and then I lose balance.

Anyway a friend of mine recently told me organized religion is the downfall of humanity. I thought that was really interesting cause I've heard that stated by different people but never anyone I've actually known.

I'm gonna take a second to unpack that statement. I think first of all he has a point, even if he just said in an uneducated manner. If you look at the church its a crap hole that has so many problems and fighting amongst itself that it actually damages those things that surround it. Including the very people that it is often attempting to help. So the question remains is this our downfall? I don't think so completely. Our downfall is us and the maddening people that we are. We all contribute to the problem in our own way.

For instance I'm often a liar, a terrible demonstrator of love to individuals, and an overall unreliable person. In a word I often do very little to help the small problems that pop up in the daily lives of the people that we move among every single day.

So I'm the downfall. Were all the downfall because we've all fallen.

Now isn't it interesting that the only solution that I've found to this problem is through a savior named Jesus that often gets attached to organized religions. He loves as we should and then we shall understand what we must do to help correct this place.

Some thoughts to swallow and digest.
Love and peace for all you do.

thoughts about nothing........

tonight i blog because I feel the need too. I don't have any life changing advice, I don't have an answer, hell I don't even have anything meaningful too say. So sorry to take up your time with a meaningless babble.

Tonight I'm dreaming of many things heaven, my life 5 years from now, some girl I've never met and some place I'll probably never go. There are a lot of things that I could be doing opposed to writing this post, homework, sleep, or reading but alas I dream because dreaming is what makes people better and grow to their potential.

I miss that sometimes. I get lost in a grind that consumes even to the point of losing my mind. But if I dream. I am better, I am creative, and I am me.

I want someone to dream with me and soon. So lets dream, all of us as one.

Peace

doors swing wide..........

its fun seeing God move your life in different ways. This week i closed the door on a huge portion of my life and it's quite eerie to let go of something that you poured so much time into, its been cool to watch God open up massive doors and opportunities that will help me transition into the next part of my life. Its nice to be growing up and actually being excited where I going which is just indescribable feeling of relief. It sorta slaps you in the face and lets you know that God is in control (and he so knows what he's doing :)

Good times peeps, I'm excite for the future.

Much love and peace.

waiting up for you when you get home.......

life is a tough thing sometimes. were blessed beyond words and yet we somehow find ourselves desiring more. recently for me its been a relationship or in the very least someone to wait up for me when I get home. Someone to call when I'm away, someone that loves me the way I am and I in turn feel the same towards her. Do I deserve any of that, absolutely not but it is something that I honestly hope someday I can find.

Its harder still seeing your friends so in love. I'm happy for them don't get me wrong, but I do wish I had my own person to turn too.

I'm in Florida right now. Its beautiful and its nice to be around a large group of my buddies. They are a great encouragement to a often times tired soul.

God is still teaching, for which I'm grateful.

Pray for me and pray for the people you love. Most of all pray for the ones you don't.