so far so good............

It's been a good week so far. Makes me happy to be alive. There are always weak moments but I feel like God is kind of keeping me protected right now. I love life, I really do. I love being a person that is able to enjoy it as well. School is freakin crazy right now but I'll make it through. Christmas is almost here again so that's good I need a break at home with no homework for a while. Here's a little bit more writing material.

"Never Let You Frown"

Oh we’ll see the golden coast
Like a anchor to the ocean floor
I’ll hear your voice over mine
And with a rhythm in your step
I’ll take my chances cause with you in tow
What risk am I taking anyway?
Cause you’re alive

Call me crazy, Call me sickly
But you’re driving me insane
Your smile makes me feel so warm
So I’ll never-let you frown

Oh we’ll touch the mountain snow
Like a fresh start for the two of us
I’ll make you a promise I mean to keep
And with your hand placed in mine
I’ll dance with you across a floor
We won’t stop till we can’t move
Cause we’re so alive

Call me crazy, Call me sickly
But you’re driving me insane
Your smile makes me feel so warm
So I’ll never-let you frown

You like medicine is all I take
A pill to love and make
Holding out palms to trace
Eyes glued to your face

"The Taste of You"

Drink up, Drink up
Just drink till you drop
Curses fill the air
Lies caught in the webs
Spilling the truth on
Blood stained floors
You are a whore
And nothing more

And I’ll never lose
The taste of you
No chance, No chance
At all, at all

Throw up, Throw up
Just throw yourself through the window
It’s a steep drop
But you can’t fall any further
Then you have
So don’t you dare stop
Just don’t screw up
Cause your worth at least a dime

And I’ll never lose
The taste of you
No chance, No chance
At all, at all

It must demon
Season
Cause I don’t know who I am
When looking in the glass
Cause I’m so damn mysterious
Or maybe just lost

a lot to think about.........

this weekend has really gave me stuff to ponder on. Kinda strange how I've found it in the weirdest places. God works in very crazy ways and sometimes I think he grabs our attention full on just to show us he can. It's hard saying goodbye. It's tough letting go. It's confusing to try to find your path. Yet it's refreshing to know your learning from it all. Hope is a good thing.

Peace and Love.

fall so fast............

People amaze me. They love to be in love. Its like an addiction to relationships. Don't get me wrong I think relationships are very important but to see what seems to be hundreds of couples each day makes me get a little tired of it all. Jealous maybe a little but more so frustrated at the fact that they all act the same.....lame. I feel like if these people aren't grasping each other every single moment then oh dear God they might fall apart. Maybe I'm being super negative or insensitive or whatever but I can't help but feel that there has to be a better way. I guess I just think sometimes we forget God amongst this "love". Kill me Cedarville if I ever bow to your ways, never will I be typical. Screw that.

In other news the election is almost here. Thank God, I'm so sick of lines dividing people and being stuck and the middle and being accused from both sides that I just need to support the lesser of two evils. In my book evil is evil and there is nothing that can cause me to support that crap. I'm also sick of people wanting to focus on talking about it. Both of the candidates suck and everyone is just staying true to the party they always vote for. I hate being in a conservative right community, they are what I like to call brain washed republicans. They believe that Jesus was a republican and that McCain is God. Forgive me if I don't buy that, but all I know is republicans are the greatest Pharisees the world have ever seen. The Democrats aren't any better but at least they don't throw God's name in the mix. People open your eyes to the scriptures, God is appalled with both parties. How we can be against murdering babies, yet OK with murdering grown men fathoms me. Where is the rational in that. If you want to live like Jesus then do it but don't support this crap in his name and believe that He is OK with it. I'll say it once and for all to hear the christian right is one of the greatest weapons of the devil.

That is all. I'm done. I don't get political, I get truthful.

Life is beautiful.
Keep the real love.
Keep the true faith.
Keep pursuing complete peace.

ticket...............

A subway car
My things next to me
There is no art
In leaving to see
Sights I’ve never seen
Faces that remain unnamed
But if I am the same man
I’m chasing something already tamed

I have my life in this ticket
Putting my heart in this cable car
And I’m going to run
Till I fall down
I have my life in this ticket now

The jet stream
Lull’s me to sleep
And as I dream
I think of the scene
Where the hero leaves
The love of his life
To save himself the pain
Of seeing her die

Doesn’t matter where
As long as I’m there
Then I’m better than where I was

using the fools..............

I think it's really amazing how God uses so many failures through out scriptures to further his ministry. Whats even more interesting is that the bible continually chooses to expose these flaws. A fluke? I think not that was the point, to expose the fact that they had problems and were still able to be used. To much today we get so caught up in the fact that we need to be the perfect example of Jesus, yet in all of it ultimately that it is impossible to achieve. I think the world needs to see our brokenness because their seems to be this common misconception that us followers of Jesus are perfect. Sorry peeps but that simply isn't true in my own life and I have no problem admitting that. I fail Him on a daily basis and yet he has called me to continue to get better and has used me already in the lives of others. I think there is a very powerful message in that: a man that uses the losers, idiots, and fools in the world for his glory. I read a quote the other day that i think speaks volumes about this and it's quite funny too.

"God spoke to Balaam through his ass, and God's been speaking through them ever since"
-Rich Mullins

run right back to the start.............

Two post in two days I'm so proud of myself. A friend of mine got me thinking upon affection and relationships today. I think their a beautiful thing to think about but it's hard for me to understand at this point in my life. I'm just a kid, albeit a big kid but I'm so in love with everything I meet and that is a lot of the reason why I'm not chasing after the first girl I meet. The longer I'm single the more I feel it is going to be incredibly hard to find someone. I'm picky but I think that is pretty good thing itself. I find myself knowing quickly when things will work or fizzle quickly. I'm very much a hopeless romantic at heart but a man that keeps his feelings away yet on my sleeve all the while. I think sometimes people confuse this for a certain self confidence that could easily be mistaken for arrogance. It's really not that at all, I'm just the way I am and I stopped fighting the way i feel things so deeply a long time. Relationships are defiantly the same way. I treat relationships as a deep and involving waltz that we can never fully understand. I think as much as we figure it out then we still have that much more to learn. I think we have a lot to learn form those that have gone before us and made something beautiful. I think we also have a lot to learn from the stories that we have in the bible. Stories such as Hosea that truly demonstrate authentic unconditional love. Anyway I've just been thinking I suppose and that is always a good thing.

Here is another piece of "Home"

Sunlight shown through blinds
Another night in a chair
Another day by your side
I wish I knew you could hear
Me say “I love you”
Over and over again
There nothing more I can do
But to pray that this would end

and you’re still fighting
So there is hope for us still

And while you were sleeping
I was dreaming of something
The kind of thing that they write books about
I know your sick honey
But when you wake up
I’ll sweep you off your feet and never let you go
I’ll never let you go again

Doctors make their way in
Same old story we don’t know
We’ll ill stand here to defend
Till you truly show
Some sign of life
Breathing in air to your lungs
And then we could try
To start back where this begun

And I know you can hear me
So I beg you dear
Don’t you leave me
Here alone in my fear
Cause my life was you
And I’ll never get it back
Without you

confession.........

Why do we lose sight of what we need the most so often? I don't understand why I'm such a fool to claim to be so in love yet to cheat on my love. I am a simple man a man that is often tested by the things around me. I bow to my youthful lust, to my own idealism about this life. I doubt my decisions and discredit my own fate. I fear a future filled with failure and pointless actions. I have a love but i find myself astray more often then not. I have friends but refuse to accept their love because my heart believes I deserve a life of solitude. I miss someone I've never met, a place I've never been is where I'd like to call my home. I find myself more and more displaced where I am and wish for a escape from the blessings I've been given. I find myself staring into space because I miss the fresh air of poverty stricken streets and disease filled homes.

I am a fake.
A whore.
A man that has lost his way.
A lonely soul.
A ship without guide.
I have been unfaithful to my love.

But my Jesus has been faithful to me.
So I say now.
Grace make your way to the well.