its a tricky thing............

this little life we feel. I'm not very good at it seems but i try very hard. Anyway keep my family in your prayers we all need it right now.

the days move on.........

sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I could stand outside of myself and watch to see my life play out. As of late I've been so mixed on my feelings about everything God, Love, My Actions, Job, Direction. Maybe all my fears have come to a head and bad timing has just lined them all up to slap me in the face at once. At the same time I feel like all timing is still tuned to the clock of God and that is at least a moderately comforting thought. I will be honest I hate trials there very shitty and make me press forward often when I would rather just sit back and die. I often have trouble finding good in these kind of situations and seemingly focus often on the bad. So whatever I'm being taught right now, at this point all I can say is it has defiantly hurt like hell to figure out so it better be some huge life lesson. I know I sound pissed off and I'm really striving to stop being like that. I'm honestly taking each day at a time cause honestly that's all I can pretty much do at this point. Trying to stay positive and say what I need to say with each day. Sounds simple but dear god it has been hard.

Life is beautiful............its just sometimes it gets hidden behind the crap of the now.

Peace,
Sleep Well. Pray for me.

as these things go..........

well I must say the days have been getting slightly better. I don't feel amazing by any means but things are improving I haven't lost any friends in this whole tangled mess and that is very much a good thing. Mostly because I couldn't stand to lose the person that this focuses around, she is simply put one of my best friends and I really do care a lot about her. Timing just once again hasn't worked in my favor and I can accept that, as bitter as it may taste I need to put my friends lives first. I guess that's all I have to say I guess. I still don't get love one bit and think that it may never make sense to me. Oh well time will tell.

when things don't feel right............

right now I can't even begin to describe how much things suck. Sometimes I just don't get life and how it decides to turn my world on its head in such an instant. I feel like each and everyday this week just more and more pain starts to stack itself on my chest and I can't sleep, I don't eat much, and I don't know what to do. I've been reading a little bit again and honestly I don't think its helping much this time. I just can't even imagine what I'm supposed to learn from this entire situation. I hate relationship stuff it just hurts my head, my heart, and opens wounds I thought had healed. The worst part is I feel for the most part in this situation I did the right thing and somehow got screwed because of it. I need lots of friends right now and tons more thoughts and prayer. Please oblige!

~A man in desperation for the first time in a long time

the bitter taste of time..........

the school years wrapping up. tears have been cried, lessons learned, failures came.......failures went, people left....people came, things that shouldn't have been said were said....things that should have been weren't, friends are leaving for good and I couldn't be more happy for the memories that I've had. I love you my dear senior friends and please remember to remain as great as you are now.

Cheers class of 2009!

they fixed your brain..............

Just sitting hear listening to the new As Cities Burn track and I am completely and utterly blown away with the song from beginning to end, its certainly a continued progression towards the final completion of their careers. I can not wait to hear the completed album as a whole, bet it will bring me to tears.

Anyway check out the stars tonight it always reminds me how small I am despite how puffed up our image of ourselves are.

the heart of life............

is good.

I need reminding of this every now and then. Recently I've been trying to clean myself in the midst of a lot of heartache and questions. My mom was recently diagnosed with cancer and my Dad is drawing closer and closer to losing his job. Good news is my mom so far is looking good as far as severity of cancer and my Dad is in the midst of a hardcore interview with a new company. Lord willing everything will work out for that and if it doesn't I'm realizing suffering is more a tool to teach than punishment. We live in a dirty, screwed up world and I can't change that accept to plead for God's return. And now for the honesty part.

I have come to a fork in my path in life. I have hidden a sin that I cannot anymore and now have pleaded and confessed it to God. For most my life the struggle with lust has been the end all be all sin and now hopefully I can start to climb back towards the light again outside of that.

Thanks for listening.

Don't lose yourself in the waves.

Peace.