i'll never be a saint.............

and for the first time I think I'm alright with that. Over the past few weeks I've felt God really trying to impose this idea upon me that he understands. He gets it, He knows that sin is a part of me the same as the heart beating within. He understands that never ever will i be anything but simply put a sinner but............that's exactly why he loves me because I fall so short. He doesn't like my sin but he loves that I admit that its there that I accept that its there and that I want to piece by piece remove the things that are there. I'll never be clean but somehow that's why He remains to show me that someday I'll join Him and I'll be bloody as hell but I'll still be there because He loved me where I was. Doesn't that just make the story of Jesus so much more powerful when you think that He loves us where we are, where we where, and where were going. No change needed just belief. If more people heard this we wouldn't have so many people that hate Christians. And for any of those that happen to read this and hate Christians than I want you to know as a Christian I understand I hate what we've made it as well.

That is all tonight I suppose.

To whomever may read this, God loves you just the way you are.
Don't ever forget that no matter what road you travel in life.

The house of God forever............

Little bit of stuff. I'm a piece of crap and I'm still loved. I wear a mask but He sees right through me. I let anxiety dominate my life and He holds me together.

I honestly don't understand this redemption story. I don't get how I play some pivotal role in this narrative. I don't understand why i think the way I do. Why I see people the way I do. Why I live where I do. Why I have the loved ones I do. Why I'm in this scholastic atmosphere I feel has no connection with me and I'm somehow succeeding.

I feel like fighting. I feel like crying. I feel like praising. I feel like cursing. I feel like loving. I feel like lying. I feel like staying. I feel like leaving. I feel like living. I feel like dying.

I have so many questions in my life and yet they all feel so small when compared to the knowledge that I'll live in the house of God, forever.

20 years..........

My teenage years have officially come to and end and now what I see as adulthood begins. Tonight I felt the need to say that it has been a incredible blessing to live this wonderful life so far and I'm excited for the next twenty years. I want to live a life of true happiness and not try to just accumulate stuff. Anyway love you all.

Peace be with you.

feel like new............

Everything feels so fresh like life is dancing around me. I want ti to last, I want to keep moving till they put a lid on me. I love life and I love being with the people I love.

This will be a good semester! I just need to get organized!

Keep moving. Never stop.

a good life.........

New Year never fails to impress upon me the idea of change and hope. I know years have passed but We can all still change for the better and grow together. I spent the night among drunk high school friends, friends that most in my faith would avoid at this time of year but I needed to be there because I believe they need to see redemption they need to see love from their friends. Though I smell of alcohol and cigarettes I know my friends had a good safe time tonight. And that rings in a good new year in my book. Its a good year in this good life.

Love you all.

Welcome 2009 may you show us who we are and who we need to be.

The Music List of 2008

It's been an excellent year for music as many new artist have made truly amazing albums. House of Heroes and Copeland remain above the pack though as the refuse to put out anything but epic music. Check out all the artist even if i felt they sucked it up.

Top five albums:

1. House of Heroes-The End is Not the End

2. Copeland-You Are My Sunshine

3. Lydia-Illuminate

4. The New Frontiers-Mending

5. Farewell Flight-Sound.Color.Motion.

Really Good Records:

Augustana-Can't Love, Can't Hurt

The Gallery-If You Know What I Mean

Brighten-Early Love EP

The Classic Crime-The Silver Chord

Jonezetta-Cruel To Be Young

The Myriad-With Arrows, With Poise

Capitol Lights-This Is An Outrage!

Disappointing Records:

Anberlin-New Surrender

Underoath-Lost In The Sound of Separation

Emery-While Broken Hearts Prevail EP

Rookie Of The Year-Sweet Attention

Best Live Record:

John Mayer-Where the Light Is

So-So Records:

Lovedrug-The Sucker Punch Show

Playradioplay!-Texas

Dear And The Headlights-Drunk Like Bible Times

Most anticipated for 2009:

As Cities Burn

Fair

Weaver In The Loom

This Providence

Sherwood

John Mayer?

happiness......

I ask myself often if I am truly happy and more often than not the answer is a subtle no. Then upon further reflection I find that this is only because of my consistent uncommitment to the one who loves me more than anyone else. It's hard for many people to understand God to try to flesh out what he wants from us. I think he wants what everyone wants to feel his love returned to Him by us. I think he wants honesty even when were pissed off. I think he wants us to believe not because someone else told us to but because he has clearly moved in each of our lives. He doesn't want us to love him because He is our ticket to heaven but because He gives us fulfillment and a joy that is unmatched. Over these past few days God has showed me that happiness is not running as fast as you can in one direction. Happiness is not sex, a lover, or some single strand of fleeting joy. Happiness is not the rain that washes us clean from the worries we cling too.

Happiness is simply this. Us loving God and Him doing the same.

Why it has taken me so long to realize this I don't know but for the first time in my life I am thinking maybe the most clearly I ever have. Thanks be to God.

I love you all but not for what you do but for what i may be able to do for you.

Much Peace and Love

P.S. Have a very Merry Christmas and may you find happiness as well this holiday.