a few things......

to read and take to heart.

"I can see no lighthouses"

Colder places, only lie in my empty heart/still with its hardened beat/ fighting against the love i had/ but I am so lost/deep in this murky sea/i don't know how I/ can fall asleep, tonight

Father who am i now/a man with all these doubts/so far from your common grace/ that i can't recall your face/how do you love me still/despite my broken will/to love at all

Lost cause, on distant shores/places with open doors/I'm scared of where I'll be/when i finally see/why i was hopeless here/ sharing the intrinsic fear of death

"I only feel Haunted when I'm awake"

Is there a ghost/inside this room/i used not to think so/but it feels like heaven and hell/just met in the same place/and i am still here

I can't sleep in this bed that I've made/It feels like an empty space/between me and where i need to go/i only remember what i want to forget/ i still feel the same about this today/as i did a year ago/where do we rest when there is none

I pretend like i am drifting/inside some freezing sea/watching day break on horizons/i wish that i could be/the one that didn't have to struggle/that doesn't have to count his breaths/I'm so dependent on the drug/and where did my faith go?

Hope and love/is something i need/inside this rundown place/it kind of feels like you missed me/ did you miss me?

"Simple Glances, Complex Consequences"

Your my excuse tonight/please just pretend with me/that I'm not the failure/I'm not the problem yet/I still look into your face/and lie about this/how can i lie about this?

You know me better than/i know myself/and I'd be a fool to believe/that i can hide this from you/there's not that much of a chance/that you'll let this slip by

Heres to hoping/i hope i feel better about this/when i wake up/and that pits in my stomach/like i just committed murder/this isn't murder/but it's the closest i have ever been/how can i live like this!

so don't let it slip on by/It's time to get this under control

and again, and again/i feel like this is my only option/my way out,you are my way out/so its time to check out,time to check out/I've been sleeping in this whores bed for to long

"antibiotics"

What happens now!/I am not your saint/your prince of peace/or a worthy servant/I am this mess that I've made

and how do i live with you/if I'm not comfortable with myself/how do i pretend in this moment that i am perfect/well were not perfect and won't ever be

Have you tasted this/the blood on my hands/and while i hold my hands/against their wounds/how am i supposed to shield my own/is this a hopeless endeavor/just a desperate gasp in some drowning

and still our deeds/are out done/by the grace you extend/would you please/just please,let me see/where this beautiful failure will lead me

"Only after a war(the hope is restored)"

This is my curse/my worst foe/just tie me up/I'm fighting this war/with only sand in my hands/this is the only place i feel this way

So wreck this heart/it's a mystery to me/why you would ever see me/why you would ever look down/on this place and have pity

were not alone in here/yet i feel like I'm running/through trap after trap/just barely slipping by/and are you still breathing with me?

i tore down curtains down today/and made amends with my past/we both agreed it was my worst mistake/to forsake you/and if i died tonight/i know i would die alongside you

This is my curse/my only foe/I'm such an addict/such an empty frame/that somehow found/something worth living for

reversing roles.....

noticing myspace copies facebook and facebook copies myspace. Dang you social networks but here's the real question which one is the lesser of two evils.

OK deep thought for the day....well semi deep. Driving home from Columbus today i kind of noticed how many exits have Walmarts and was thinking about how its such a reflection of our fear of change. To have the same restaurant, store, you fill in the blank in every city seems suddenly boring to me. I don't know i guess i need change to keep me interested. The older i get the more i want to travel see Gods creation, the older i get the less i want to be alone, the older i get the more i want to fall in love with everything beautiful in this world. thinking about going to Hawaii this summer with a friend. anyway think i might add some new song lyrics soon, really excited about this new stuff im working on its the most honest stuff i think i have ever wrote. Anyway i'm going to go to bed because im so very tired.

just a quick little blurb.......

you know sometimes i hit moments in my life that i just look up to heaven and say why do you bless me so much. This is one of those moments in my life. When i really think about it look at what i have everything i could i ever want a loving family, friends that i would die beside, and the life i always wanted and so much more. God has blessed me with a job this Christmas season which came out of nowhere and has helped me so much. I've had the chance to hang out with some old friends recently as well, and its been nice to see everyone and get to see how we have all truly grown up but not to much. Christmas is a great time of the year to celebrate the birth of our lord and to get to share the love that he gives us each and every day. I can't wait for this week and i have no idea why. It's nice to have a since of wonder in life again haha.

so its exam week......

two days of suckiness but hey at least its only two days. also Oh, Sleeper is a really sweet metal band that everyone should listen to. There new album When I Am God is really amazing and should be considered in your holiday purchases. but if you buy one album from last year for Christmas make it "Come Now Sleep" by As Cities Burn. its the best album of last year by far.

I was thinking of new years resolutions the other day. i hate the things personally but i always feel obligated to try at least you know. came up with a short list(in a oh so not but semi particular order)

-put God first were he should be
-get rid of my last great sin
-read my bible every single day no excuses
-read "blue like jazz" by Donald miller
-read some C.S. Lewis book
-Love people more
-Be more positive about everything
-Treat people with more respect
-Pray harder
-Never leave with out telling a family member i love them
-write some songs and develop them into something worthwhile
-not vote on election day because the candidates don't strike my fancy

Yea that's about all i got kinda a long list. i think i can do it, though. Anyway I'm going to go study the Word of God and go to bed. Much peace and love. Hope all is well with whoever comes across this thing.

a quick ode......

One of the finest musical projects of our time recently played their last show and i just wanted to say thank you to Nickel Creek for being the musical geniuses they were. I had the pleasure of getting to see them twice this year and they were one of the best live performers I've ever had the chance to see. So Chris, Sean, and Sara thank you for making the wonderful music that you did.

funny how things come around........

Over Thanksgiving break i had the chance to hang out with alot of my friends from high school, it was a good time to see everyone again. One friend that i had particularly been praying for got into a conversation with me that i just felt needed to be shared.

He was messing around and being his goofy self all night but in the few seconds he did get real, he talked about how out of everything he regrets in his life the biggest thing is the giving up of his virginity. We always hear it from so many people but to hear it from him was like a slap in the face from God saying "see i told you so". I think that we hear it all the time you know save yourself for marriage, in health class or what not. But the truth is non of us believe it, that's why we do the things we do. But to have someone i know and understand and have them say that it destroyed so much of their relationships, was humbling and struck a chord that i cant even begin to describe. IT'S REAL PEOPLE, this truth that sex is a bond that ties two people together eternally. If you didn't believe God believe a person like my friend, who did it and then got hurt by it. Hes not a christian by the way.

They biggest thing it said to me is, why in the world do i envy these people, when they envy my lifestyle. Were such a confused culture, and it seems more and more things just point at God as being the only way too happiness. It frankly pisses me off that so many people put themselves through this crap just too be disappointed and then they can't take it back.

There's an open wound in this world and i fell like i should put my hands against it to stop the bleeding. Yet I feel so small in the great mess of things. I always feel more and more drawn to this word: LOVE. It mystifies yet defines what i want to represent. Don't get me wrong I'm a bloody mess just like the rest of the world i just want to somehow just maybe make a difference in someones life and show them that there is always HOPE in everything that they do and that ultimately that hope is our LORD JESUS CHRIST.

Hope everyone is enjoying the snow. Pray for me as i enter exam week. Christmas is almost here and for the first time i feel like i really understand it.

it has been....

a fantastic week. I dont Know Why im just very happy right now. God is Awesome!

Christmas is coming, and this year im going to get it right.