the goodnight moon.....

its the end of freshman year. I've grown up a lot this year, but i still have a long way to go. It's been hard at times but i wouldn't trade my experience in college for anything. Many thanks to my friends new and old for keeping me going. Most of all thanks be to God for being the source of all strength in my life and for his grace and willingness to put up with my crap. Now on to Romania.

I am broken.......

i don't understand God sometimes, but I do know that He has a purpose.
Life kinda bites right now, pray for me.
Keep the love coming.

silver wings.............

From tender years you took me for granted
But still I deign to wander through your lungs
While you were sleeping soundly in your bed,
(Your drapes were silver wings, your shutters flung)

I drew the poison from the summer's sting,
And eased the fire out of your fevered skin.
I moved in you and stirred your soul to sing;
And if you'd let me I would move again.

I've danced 'tween sunlit strands of lover's hair;
Helped form the final words before your death.
I've pitied you and plied your sails with air;
Gave blessing when you rose upon my breath.

And after all of this I am amazed,

That I am cursed far more than I am praised.

to be broken...........

the past few weeks or so have tugged at my heart in so many ways. I felt like God was paying no attention to my desire to know Him better to grow and be broken. Then something got triggered last night that just made me feel this immense presence of God on my life. Like He was saying "ready when you are". I'm staring to see that God is my best friend in life. He's with me when i make a fool out of myself and when i put my pride in front of Him(way to often on this one). I mean its nice to have a friend that stays literally right by your side. I really feel like he's saying I'm going to teach you to be a a man of God.

I read today in Acts about Phillip and the eunuch. How Phillip kind of came along side of the man and he was trying to figure out a passage of scripture. It simply says Phillip came alongside him and "told him the good news of Jesus". I thought that was so simple but cool at the same time. It makes me want to hit the streets and start spreading the word. I'm still learning how to approach witnessing with out coming of as insincere, dumb, or forceful. It's a delicate balance that I'm learning.


Anyway, keep the faith in both the moments you feel like God is not there and when He does feel near. He is near.

Faith
Hope
Love

christian music.............

I've been struggling lately with the term Christian music. I hate the term i think its stupid that bands would label themselves when their supposed goal is to reach the lost. I'm sorry but i have a hard time believing that non-Christians are going to listen to something labeled Christian. Anyway i came across this blog about the whole issue from a member of the band Sophia, I agree whole heartily with what hes saying.

4.15.08 - reflection

i have been pondering for some time what role we all should play in this world... i have thinking about things like:
why does it seems as though my endeavors into doing this christian band thing always seem to come up short?
how far we must subvert ourselves from the empire before we can call ourselves christians?
why can we call this christian music when it looks and acts just like secular music?

for the longest time i have been increasingly hesitant to confidently answer yes to the question of whether or not sophia was a christian band or if our lyrics were christian... everytime i am asked that question i wonder when God abandoned art in the first place... and is jesus only supporting my band because i tell him too?

the honest to God point is, i don't really know where the line is between the sacred and secular is... i'd like to think that it doesn't exist and that everyone who is earnestly trying to create art is in fact sanctified in doing so because ultimately creation is the foundation of theology... that is to say where did we come from? and also the first thing written in the bible says that God created... so to me, if i am creating then i most certainly am in a place of divinity...

so if my art or music isn't anymore christian than the other guys then what the hell am i doing here? God will always be found in the things that are beautiful (he is found in other things to i assure you)... but it is a pity that we are teaching people that only the christian music industry are the artists that are presenting God... and then they build their sky scrapers, and they sell their tshirts and they collect their money and build their empire until pretty soon the ones that are presenting God are in fact selling God just like the other the empire is...

this is all such bad theology, i think...

last weekend we played another church show and often times i grow weary of pretending like i am a rockstar in front of a bunch of teen agers... however i found a place of contentment in the night when i was introduced to an organization called jesus>.org ... now i assure you that they are not perfect and in fact i think they are just getting started but... i became excited about this organization not because of necessarily how successful they were or how cool their tshirts were but because of their posture...i suggest you go and look onto their website and learn about them...

one of their ministries was that they set up a scholarship fund for children whose parents died in the iraqi war... they had no political agenda except that the gospel seeks peace and healing... they are not a christian organization just because they do this in the name of jesus but because they posture themselves in a way that says they believe the gospels to be true

it was how they oriented themselves to the tragedies (war, poverty, etc) of this world...that brought me inspiration... they seek wholeness... they seek healing... they seek love...

and perhaps that is what we are supposed to be... not building our own empire that is better than their empire... but building an empire that is subversive to that... instead of us all seeking the american dream of fame and fortune... we seek a life of financial poverty in hopes of discovering the life that exists their... instead of seeking power... we seek submission... instead of seeking our own dreams... we seek love, the dream of God...

the christian music industry cannot be ordained by God if it continues to seek the American empire... we must abandon this title until we are fully ready to sell all that we have (if called to it), to be humble, to be submissive, to call out to the oppressed, to share the sufferings of the broken... when we are ready to give away our dreams of vanity and selfishness then we can begin to do the ministry of Christ Jesus...

reform.


steve

showbread.............

I'm not a huge fan of this band but i absolutely love this song. Its a great picture of how great our God is and how small we are in his presence. I like the lyrics a lot, so just let God touch your heart through these lyrics...................

I am made of parts that freeze and ligaments that atrophy
Though they look they'll never see
They don't know something's wrong with me
And just as well, I'll never tell what's underneath the scales
I've worn to thin to honor you, my every effort fails
Bury me with Israel and cover up my tracks
Leave not a trace of what I was, I'm never coming back
And if you're mercy falls upon he whose blood is cold
Unearth me with your hands of love and never break your hold

The world is full of ones like me
Who need to see the truth
But the truth is never truth indeed
The truth is only you

Jesus bless the crocodiles, forgive the cobras and all the snakes
Open up your arms to carry all of our mistakes
Suck the venom from every bite and vomit every drop
Some of us may bite your hand but some of us will not
And every knee will bow before you, each forked tongue confess
My selfishness will rot in me and I will seek your rest
Still some lizards flee from you, ashamed of all they've been
So Jesus take myself from me, never bring it back again

The world is full of ones like me, who need to see the truth
But the truth is never truth indeed, the truth is only you
The world will soon become extinct, the age will pass away
And all will know that you are God, hallowed be your name

Jesus bless the crocodiles, forgive the cobras and all the snakes
Open up your arms to carry all of our mistakes
Forgive the basilisk, forgive the moccasins and adders too
Have mercy on each alligator that never lived for you
I myself hatched from an egg, no white light from above
Just another ancient serpent that never earned your love
But still you find me underneath the rocks and in the ground
I cowered there just short of air and never made a sound
It's true that I'm in love with you, and even in my shame
You wipe away the imperfections and take away the pain
You wrap your loving arms around this wretched thing called me
Your love is all I'll ever need, your love has set me free

The truth is only you.

I walk the world on insect legs beneath an unforgiving sun
Eat the dirt throughout my days On the dirt and dirt I come undone
Messiah born in Bethlehem won't find me lying there
The world's too big for him to see me or hear the things I've said
Hold me to you as I pray, Take the rest of the world away
My blood runs warm because of you, The scales fall out of my eyes
I laughed in the keep of a man with a rose my mandibles are caked in trash
Thought you wouldn't recognize me, in the black of soot and ash
Don't turn deaf into my voice, but one thing I want you to know:
I have always loved you though my life has never said so
Hold me to you as I pray, Take the rest of the world away
My blood runs warm because of you, The scales fall out of my eyes
Hold me to you as I pray, Take every other thing away
My heart is breaking out for you, The scales are out of my eyes

I love you Lord, and I lift my voice
To worship you, Oh, my soul rejoice
Take joy my King in what you hear
May it be a sweet, sweet sound in your ear

the blessing................

So in just like a week of sending out letters to friends and family I've raised enough money to cover half the cost of my trip(between donations, work, and money saved up). So to anyone who has donated to the Chris Powers going to Romania fund i thank you very much. God is good.

God gave me a fantastic week this week. I saw blessing in my friends lives and in my own. I'm starting to get a clearer picture of life, God is defogging the window so to speak. He blows me away in so many ways and yet i know so little about Him. I'm still very much learning but God has really started to put this desire in me to just absolutly cling to Him. I kinda like that actually.

Love you all.
Hope.
Faith.

like a fine wine...........

life. It has moments that burn, hurt, and are hard to swallow. It has moments of bittersweetness were we have to make hard decisions that hurt but we know are right. Then it has amazing moments of authentic passion, love, and joy and those my friends are the moments that make it all worth it. Though I'm starting to finally find God in all these moments. He has been persistent through it all and given me the strength to go on. I came across this little article written about Aaron Gallispie. For those of you who don't know who that is he's the drummer of Underoath and the man behind The Almost. Anyway, i'm not saying Aaron is one of my heroes or anything but i do respect the man for his character in Christ. He is what real Christianity looks like. Heres the exert, i find it to be quite moving. It was written by Jamie from To Write Love On Her Arms. Check it:

I never knew Johnny Cash, and I haven’t met Bono, but I wonder if Aaron Gillespie might be cut from the same mold. Raw and real. Anxious and honest. Enormous talent, inside a life that points to redemption and grace.

My friendship with Aaron can be traced back to a dead video camera battery and an evening in Detroit on last summer’s “Warped Tour.” I had heard whispers of Aaron’s story, and I decided the best way to hear it would be to schedule some time with the man himself.

Aaron and I sat outside his bus in the dark Detroit night. We jumped straight into it—his music and his story, and where it all started. Unfortunately, the battery in my camera lasted about 10 minutes (I’m not so good at journalism). I expected the conversation to end when the red light stopped flashing, but Aaron surprised me.

The rest was unofficial. It was something better. Real life. We talked about pain, hope, grace, redemption, healing. We talked about music—where it comes from and why it matters. We talked about love—the kind that looks upon a broken, anxious rock star and finds itself inside a humble husband. The story is one of healing and hope—a once-probable disaster replaced by a diamond ring for a good woman and a house full of dogs and drums in Tampa.

His song “Amazing, Because It Is” got me through last summer. It is a song that shouldn’t work on the “Warped Tour.” “Amazing” starts slow and borrows its chorus from a 240-year old hymn. There was no moment on tour that came close to seeing that song come to life every day—grace most at home where you least expect it. And then Aaron’s simple words near the close of The Almost set: “I want you to know that you’re special, that you’re beautiful. I want you to know that Jesus loves you…” Most guys would get booed off the stage, but Aaron’s earned the right to be heard. If they trust you—and if the songs are great—you can talk about anything.

Aaron Gillespie makes it easier for me to believe in God. I think it’s that he’s aware of his own need. It is the place he’s always lived, and I suppose it provides some explanation for his songs as well. If any music should ever be called Christ-like, it should certainly be honest. I’m thankful for the gifts God has given Aaron and for the way he’s using them. Like I said, I’m not much of a journalist, so my favorite part might be that I get to call the guy friend.

the lessons we learn..........

God has an amazing way of taking moments of failure and turning them into lessons that make us stronger. I learn more and more each day that God is amazing, sufficient, and graceful. I mess up so much but I'm starting to see life is like one big classroom that we constantly reinvent ourselves in. We take what we have learned and we apply it to drive us towards are goal of being more like Christ. I really think that is a goal that Christ wants us to achieve and is trying to use each moment and breath to push us towards it.

Had my first meeting for the new gathering thing I'm starting up. It went really well, I'm excited about the potential we have.

Anyway, it's been a long night.
Love you all.
Keep it real.

cut......

So I'm writing a paper on cutting right now. Its been very hard for me to write because i had friends who did it in high school. I literally get sick in my stomach whenever i start to think about it. I always just want to hold every single person that deals with this problem. It's really things like cutting that tell me more than anything that Jesus is the answer to every one's problems. He is the only one that can truly heal the scars on these people, by pulling them close and telling them it'll be ok. For information on the stories of these people check out To Write Love On Her Arms. Its a great organization that I hold dear to my heart because they care and believe in loving people.

Here are some words that i found quite beautiful from mewithoutyou tonight. It just really describes our desperate need for God and the little purpose we have outside of him.

"Carousels"

On a bus ride into town, I wondered out loud, "Why am I going to town?"

As I looked around at the billboards and the stores I thought, "Why do I look around?"
And I kissed the filthy ground...the first dry spot I found...
I didn't have to wonder why I was laying down.

Before long I was too cold...took a bus back to the station,
I found a letter left by a pay phone with no return contact
And it read like a horn blown by some sad angel,
"Bunny, it was me...it was me who let you down"
It was the shyest attempt I'd ever seen at conversation.

But if I didn't have You as my guide, I'd still wander lost in Sinai,
Counting the plates of cars from out-of-state,
How I could jump in their path as they hurry along!
And You surround me, You're pretty but You're all I can see
Like a thick fog...
If there was no way into God,
I would never have laid in this grave of a body for so long.

And St. Cyril's fair always came through the first week of September
But it's already the 19th...and there's no sign of it...
Yet I have a hard time remembering all the things I should remember
And a hard time forgetting all the things that I was supposed to forget.
And, Christ, when You're ready to come back,
Then I think I'm ready for You to come back;
But if You want to stay wherever exactly it is You are,
That's okay, too...it's, it's really none of my business.

And if I didn't have You as my guide, I'd still wander lost in Sinai
Or down by the tracks watching trains go by
To remind me: there are places that aren't here.
And I had a well but all the water left,
So I'll go ask Your forgiveness with every breath,
And if there was no way into God,
I would never have laid in this grave of a body...so long, dear.

Love song, for the lonely......

This is my reaction to all the love songs i had to hear last night. No offense to Josh Bales but a lot of people don't get to have all the love he's feelin'. Hope you like it.

So I sit here
with my hands in my lap
and my legs crossed
listening to a guy sing about
something i can't figure out
another love song
and I might throw up

This is a love song, for the lonely
just an anthem, for those not so lucky
for the ones who will walk home alone

This room feels like
it's full of romance
but I'm empty
and every guy here
wants to grab the girl next to him
and kiss her
I think I'm getting sick to my stomach

This is a love song, for the lonely
just an anthem, for those not so lucky
for the ones who will walk home alone

and I'm sorry I don't feel the same as you
but I think I speak for us all
when I say we get carried away
in the emotional times, i think its a lie
so let me out of this room
I may pass out soon
If I don't get away from here

This is a love song, for the lonely
just an anthem, for those not so lucky
for the ones who will walk home alone

In other news God is awesome and i love my friends, that is all.
Faith.
Hope.
Love.

How to see God.....

So I'm starting to see God. I'm starting to realize how much God is with me and how He is a part of everything. I sat tonight in a room surrounded by friends and listened to music that i though i would like and didn't end up liking. But it was strange as i sat there laughing with these friends, i felt God there just sitting beside me saying "see how happy i can make you when you let me". I just smiled and whispered "thank you" under my breath.

I'm starting to want to feel that more, see God in the simple things in life. The way a friend smiles, the way we put ourselves in awkward situations, the way the sun shines and the wind blows. the way i feel with my windows down with my stereo cranked loud, the way i feel about my friends, the way i silently ask God to never let moments end.

I just feel Him everywhere, its a nice way to live you should try it sometime. That said Josh Bale is a tool and nothing but a sappy love song writer. Yet even though i didn't like the music, i saw God in him too. Plus i got to write a love song for the people not in love. Its sweet I'll post it later.

Love You.