The Music List of 2008

It's been an excellent year for music as many new artist have made truly amazing albums. House of Heroes and Copeland remain above the pack though as the refuse to put out anything but epic music. Check out all the artist even if i felt they sucked it up.

Top five albums:

1. House of Heroes-The End is Not the End

2. Copeland-You Are My Sunshine

3. Lydia-Illuminate

4. The New Frontiers-Mending

5. Farewell Flight-Sound.Color.Motion.

Really Good Records:

Augustana-Can't Love, Can't Hurt

The Gallery-If You Know What I Mean

Brighten-Early Love EP

The Classic Crime-The Silver Chord

Jonezetta-Cruel To Be Young

The Myriad-With Arrows, With Poise

Capitol Lights-This Is An Outrage!

Disappointing Records:

Anberlin-New Surrender

Underoath-Lost In The Sound of Separation

Emery-While Broken Hearts Prevail EP

Rookie Of The Year-Sweet Attention

Best Live Record:

John Mayer-Where the Light Is

So-So Records:

Lovedrug-The Sucker Punch Show

Playradioplay!-Texas

Dear And The Headlights-Drunk Like Bible Times

Most anticipated for 2009:

As Cities Burn

Fair

Weaver In The Loom

This Providence

Sherwood

John Mayer?

happiness......

I ask myself often if I am truly happy and more often than not the answer is a subtle no. Then upon further reflection I find that this is only because of my consistent uncommitment to the one who loves me more than anyone else. It's hard for many people to understand God to try to flesh out what he wants from us. I think he wants what everyone wants to feel his love returned to Him by us. I think he wants honesty even when were pissed off. I think he wants us to believe not because someone else told us to but because he has clearly moved in each of our lives. He doesn't want us to love him because He is our ticket to heaven but because He gives us fulfillment and a joy that is unmatched. Over these past few days God has showed me that happiness is not running as fast as you can in one direction. Happiness is not sex, a lover, or some single strand of fleeting joy. Happiness is not the rain that washes us clean from the worries we cling too.

Happiness is simply this. Us loving God and Him doing the same.

Why it has taken me so long to realize this I don't know but for the first time in my life I am thinking maybe the most clearly I ever have. Thanks be to God.

I love you all but not for what you do but for what i may be able to do for you.

Much Peace and Love

P.S. Have a very Merry Christmas and may you find happiness as well this holiday.

so far so good............

It's been a good week so far. Makes me happy to be alive. There are always weak moments but I feel like God is kind of keeping me protected right now. I love life, I really do. I love being a person that is able to enjoy it as well. School is freakin crazy right now but I'll make it through. Christmas is almost here again so that's good I need a break at home with no homework for a while. Here's a little bit more writing material.

"Never Let You Frown"

Oh we’ll see the golden coast
Like a anchor to the ocean floor
I’ll hear your voice over mine
And with a rhythm in your step
I’ll take my chances cause with you in tow
What risk am I taking anyway?
Cause you’re alive

Call me crazy, Call me sickly
But you’re driving me insane
Your smile makes me feel so warm
So I’ll never-let you frown

Oh we’ll touch the mountain snow
Like a fresh start for the two of us
I’ll make you a promise I mean to keep
And with your hand placed in mine
I’ll dance with you across a floor
We won’t stop till we can’t move
Cause we’re so alive

Call me crazy, Call me sickly
But you’re driving me insane
Your smile makes me feel so warm
So I’ll never-let you frown

You like medicine is all I take
A pill to love and make
Holding out palms to trace
Eyes glued to your face

"The Taste of You"

Drink up, Drink up
Just drink till you drop
Curses fill the air
Lies caught in the webs
Spilling the truth on
Blood stained floors
You are a whore
And nothing more

And I’ll never lose
The taste of you
No chance, No chance
At all, at all

Throw up, Throw up
Just throw yourself through the window
It’s a steep drop
But you can’t fall any further
Then you have
So don’t you dare stop
Just don’t screw up
Cause your worth at least a dime

And I’ll never lose
The taste of you
No chance, No chance
At all, at all

It must demon
Season
Cause I don’t know who I am
When looking in the glass
Cause I’m so damn mysterious
Or maybe just lost

a lot to think about.........

this weekend has really gave me stuff to ponder on. Kinda strange how I've found it in the weirdest places. God works in very crazy ways and sometimes I think he grabs our attention full on just to show us he can. It's hard saying goodbye. It's tough letting go. It's confusing to try to find your path. Yet it's refreshing to know your learning from it all. Hope is a good thing.

Peace and Love.

fall so fast............

People amaze me. They love to be in love. Its like an addiction to relationships. Don't get me wrong I think relationships are very important but to see what seems to be hundreds of couples each day makes me get a little tired of it all. Jealous maybe a little but more so frustrated at the fact that they all act the same.....lame. I feel like if these people aren't grasping each other every single moment then oh dear God they might fall apart. Maybe I'm being super negative or insensitive or whatever but I can't help but feel that there has to be a better way. I guess I just think sometimes we forget God amongst this "love". Kill me Cedarville if I ever bow to your ways, never will I be typical. Screw that.

In other news the election is almost here. Thank God, I'm so sick of lines dividing people and being stuck and the middle and being accused from both sides that I just need to support the lesser of two evils. In my book evil is evil and there is nothing that can cause me to support that crap. I'm also sick of people wanting to focus on talking about it. Both of the candidates suck and everyone is just staying true to the party they always vote for. I hate being in a conservative right community, they are what I like to call brain washed republicans. They believe that Jesus was a republican and that McCain is God. Forgive me if I don't buy that, but all I know is republicans are the greatest Pharisees the world have ever seen. The Democrats aren't any better but at least they don't throw God's name in the mix. People open your eyes to the scriptures, God is appalled with both parties. How we can be against murdering babies, yet OK with murdering grown men fathoms me. Where is the rational in that. If you want to live like Jesus then do it but don't support this crap in his name and believe that He is OK with it. I'll say it once and for all to hear the christian right is one of the greatest weapons of the devil.

That is all. I'm done. I don't get political, I get truthful.

Life is beautiful.
Keep the real love.
Keep the true faith.
Keep pursuing complete peace.

ticket...............

A subway car
My things next to me
There is no art
In leaving to see
Sights I’ve never seen
Faces that remain unnamed
But if I am the same man
I’m chasing something already tamed

I have my life in this ticket
Putting my heart in this cable car
And I’m going to run
Till I fall down
I have my life in this ticket now

The jet stream
Lull’s me to sleep
And as I dream
I think of the scene
Where the hero leaves
The love of his life
To save himself the pain
Of seeing her die

Doesn’t matter where
As long as I’m there
Then I’m better than where I was

using the fools..............

I think it's really amazing how God uses so many failures through out scriptures to further his ministry. Whats even more interesting is that the bible continually chooses to expose these flaws. A fluke? I think not that was the point, to expose the fact that they had problems and were still able to be used. To much today we get so caught up in the fact that we need to be the perfect example of Jesus, yet in all of it ultimately that it is impossible to achieve. I think the world needs to see our brokenness because their seems to be this common misconception that us followers of Jesus are perfect. Sorry peeps but that simply isn't true in my own life and I have no problem admitting that. I fail Him on a daily basis and yet he has called me to continue to get better and has used me already in the lives of others. I think there is a very powerful message in that: a man that uses the losers, idiots, and fools in the world for his glory. I read a quote the other day that i think speaks volumes about this and it's quite funny too.

"God spoke to Balaam through his ass, and God's been speaking through them ever since"
-Rich Mullins

run right back to the start.............

Two post in two days I'm so proud of myself. A friend of mine got me thinking upon affection and relationships today. I think their a beautiful thing to think about but it's hard for me to understand at this point in my life. I'm just a kid, albeit a big kid but I'm so in love with everything I meet and that is a lot of the reason why I'm not chasing after the first girl I meet. The longer I'm single the more I feel it is going to be incredibly hard to find someone. I'm picky but I think that is pretty good thing itself. I find myself knowing quickly when things will work or fizzle quickly. I'm very much a hopeless romantic at heart but a man that keeps his feelings away yet on my sleeve all the while. I think sometimes people confuse this for a certain self confidence that could easily be mistaken for arrogance. It's really not that at all, I'm just the way I am and I stopped fighting the way i feel things so deeply a long time. Relationships are defiantly the same way. I treat relationships as a deep and involving waltz that we can never fully understand. I think as much as we figure it out then we still have that much more to learn. I think we have a lot to learn form those that have gone before us and made something beautiful. I think we also have a lot to learn from the stories that we have in the bible. Stories such as Hosea that truly demonstrate authentic unconditional love. Anyway I've just been thinking I suppose and that is always a good thing.

Here is another piece of "Home"

Sunlight shown through blinds
Another night in a chair
Another day by your side
I wish I knew you could hear
Me say “I love you”
Over and over again
There nothing more I can do
But to pray that this would end

and you’re still fighting
So there is hope for us still

And while you were sleeping
I was dreaming of something
The kind of thing that they write books about
I know your sick honey
But when you wake up
I’ll sweep you off your feet and never let you go
I’ll never let you go again

Doctors make their way in
Same old story we don’t know
We’ll ill stand here to defend
Till you truly show
Some sign of life
Breathing in air to your lungs
And then we could try
To start back where this begun

And I know you can hear me
So I beg you dear
Don’t you leave me
Here alone in my fear
Cause my life was you
And I’ll never get it back
Without you

confession.........

Why do we lose sight of what we need the most so often? I don't understand why I'm such a fool to claim to be so in love yet to cheat on my love. I am a simple man a man that is often tested by the things around me. I bow to my youthful lust, to my own idealism about this life. I doubt my decisions and discredit my own fate. I fear a future filled with failure and pointless actions. I have a love but i find myself astray more often then not. I have friends but refuse to accept their love because my heart believes I deserve a life of solitude. I miss someone I've never met, a place I've never been is where I'd like to call my home. I find myself more and more displaced where I am and wish for a escape from the blessings I've been given. I find myself staring into space because I miss the fresh air of poverty stricken streets and disease filled homes.

I am a fake.
A whore.
A man that has lost his way.
A lonely soul.
A ship without guide.
I have been unfaithful to my love.

But my Jesus has been faithful to me.
So I say now.
Grace make your way to the well.

can't slow down.............

We'll folks here it the first song/lyric from the most complete collection of writings of my life. This is still a rough version so it could change drastically but the general idea is there. So the story behind the lyric is basically my complacency in the world at this point in my life and a reflection on what I've already done. I'm restless therefore i can't slow down but at the same time I'm very much wanting to find something solid to grasp. Fortunately God has me covered as i grasp tightly to Him.

-Can’t Slow Down-

I fell in love at 15/Never felt the same/Just chased an old flame/That never quite burnt out/It was me and it was her/But now it just seems like a blur

Sometimes I wish I knew where I was going/Maybe have someone to call home too/But I know things are good/And I know I have a Father that loves me/So I guess I’ll just keep moving/Cause God knows I can’t slow down/No, I can’t slow down now

20 years on the road/To many places I’ve called home/Watched the sun set on the Pacific/Then watched it dance on the Atlantic/Never thought I’d love again/But then I found something new in Severin

I’ve seen so much/In so little time/And yet I still feel like/There’s so much left to learn/So God give me grace/To go on/Cause I can't slow down now

tilt your glasses steep........

Then drain them if your like me

I don't get life. It just is so confusing. I feel stronger some days than others and then there are days where I stare into space and ask myself "why". There are days I love God, then there are days I feel as if He is my enemy. Now don't freak out and say oh no "he's lost his faith". That's not it at all, trust me I believe in God more now than ever, in fact his realness has been impressed upon me so hard that it kills me every time that I look in the mirror and know that I haven't really served Him the way I should. The truth is I'm a mess but I really am starting to think we are all just messes that are some how held together by something. I don't know this is just random crap I suppose. I feel as if there is a bigger issue at hand here that i am missing though. Pray for me and my screwed up self. I'm fighting some of my biggest battles right now. Home is coming along, I feel a purity in these writings that I've never tapped into before.

P.S. listen the farewell flight

gasoline and vaccines........

If I'm a one trick pony
then it's one heck of a trick
because all i can remember

is that I forgot your name
when I tried to forge my own way
it's so hard to be honest
when your born from a lie
so don't give me pity
just give me a city
to burn down

everybody get your guns
will make ends meat tonight
by slaughtering our insides
no one cares when there's nothing at stake
so dance your last dance
we've got nothing left to lose

I threw up at the drop of the hat
You say "I'm worth more than that"
but I'm not too sure
when my life is just a blur
I'm drinking my life away
and I don't even need
alcohol to kill me
I'll do it myself
by the choices I make

I've been playing with gasoline
to find some kind of vaccine
for the love that we left behind
They wont forget us when were gone
because we'll be the ghost in their dreams

home..............

The word encompasses so much in our lives. We have our "hometowns" and our places we feel at "home". Yet at this point in my life I have no home, not at school, not at my parents house, not anywhere. So this has pushed me to think about what home really is, whether it really exist in our lives. This is my time in life to find answers and to be honest it scares to realize that I no longer feel at home anywhere but then one of my professors challenged me with something he said "Since when did God call you to be comfortable". That's when I realized I will know no home until I reach that other shore and kiss Jesus' feet. There is no home here.

"Home" is what I have titled my new collections of writings. I'm hoping to start unveiling those over the coarse of the next few months.

Keep the peace.
Keep the love.
Fight for the faith.

my account.........

is whacked hence the reason for no blogs lately. Working on getting it back together again though. Peace for now.
New stuff soon though.

as of yet untitled............

cause I've been sleeping with a Ghost
someone I should have known
and I can't see the light
or hear her voice over mine

a quick observation.........

couples do not under any circumstance smile at each other and rub each others arms while there is a dude within 10 feet of you...............IN THE LIBRARY TRYING TO GET WORK DONE!

That is just flat out annoying. Singleness is a blessing in disguise.
Peace.

America will break your heart............

So I have these spells in my American lifestyle that I can't help but become very disenchanted with what I see, feel, or find myself focusing on. Honestly i get sick in my stomach about that crap. I know I am blessed and cursed at the same time here in America. Blessed in the sense that i have so many blessings as far as friends and family. Not to mention an amazing church body to worship with. I am cursed because i am spoiled with possessions when many need food, selfishness blinds me to the problems in the rest of the world. It's very hard to live with this burden on my back, this constant feeling that i need to be somewhere else. That i'm displaced away from the home I know. It's hard to accept that the place where God wants me is to finish my education here at Cedarville and afterward I get to be unleashed into the world to do my part. Prayer is the biggest thing I need more than anything. I miss Romania like crazy, I want to go back tomorrow but unfotunetly thats not really an option. I would love to just get away to satisfy these burdens but I simply can't at this point again pray for me.

any way this is a toast to America a place that will surely break your heart.
Peace and Love.
Go do something to help someone.

by all accounts.........

I find there are moments in my life that I am in awe at the things that God does in my life. Lately those moments seem to come non stop its true what they say that with discipline comes blessings. It's proven to me again and again lately but yeah so i was reading in Genisis tonight that Abram could not have children with his wife so God shows him the stars and says number them and that's how many children you'll have. There are moments in the Bible that literally take my breath away, that was one of them for me because its just such a beautiful image, God, the stars, and his promise.

Anyway just thought I'd share.

I am undone...............................

Sometimes I have trouble finding myself in this crowded place called earth. I have trouble understanding why I do some of the things I do. I lose my faith in God's plan. I lose faith in my purpose for him. I listen to Satan and his lies. I give in would i should stand tall. I stay when I should run. Yet, somehow God sustains me. He is my life support. My oxygen, my bread, my wine. I do not understand Him but He understands me. He loves me when I spit in His face. He holds me when I am alone. He promises greater things than I can see for myself. He shows me that there is hope in all we do. He gives me strength to face another day. He is LOVE. He is FATHER. He is a shadow behind me. Watching, guiding, blessing.

I deserve nothing. I have earned nothing. He still gives. Even when I give nothing.

My God, I am not but You are.......................

why i am a slacker...........

i have been neglecting the old blog. for which i apologize. Things have been quite, just chilling at home through the weeks and enjoying work on the weekends. Work goes to full weeks next week however and then I'll busy all the time. On a side note biology is still not my thing.

Read out of Philippians today. That's a very encouraging book. One part said that whatever is good and excellent then hold onto it. So true.

Love you all.
Peace.

The Weepies......

i just recently discovered this band. They are a relaxing little affair, have lovely melodys, but this song specically speeks volumes into my personal life.

"World Spins Madly On"

Woke up and wished that I was dead

With an aching in my head

I lay motionless in bed

I thought of you and where you'd gone

and let the world spin madly on

Everything that I said I'd do

Like make the world brand new

And take the time for you

I just got lost and slept right through the dawn

And the world spins madly on

I let the day go by I always say goodbye

I watch the stars from my window sill

The whole world is moving and I'm standing still

Woke up and wished that I was dead

With an aching in my head

I lay motionless in bed

The night is here and the day is gone

And the world spins madly on

I thought of you and where you'd gone

And the world spins madly on.

all creation cries.............

i feel like I've been neglecting the old blog lately. It's not that alot hasn't been going on it's just I've been very busy. I 'm back home now and enjoying my free time i suddenly have way to much of but its been great so far.

I've started reading the irresistible revolution this week and so far its been really great. I don't know why its caused such a fuss, so far all of his theology seems tame but exactly what we as Christians need to hear. having met Shane Claiborne has helped me like the book more to because he was such a servant of the Lord that night i went to hear him speak.

Tonight i drove out to see the stars again. I love getting alone time with God out there to pray, worship, and listen. As i was sitting there tonight i just took in the sounds around me, I read somewhere once that if you listen hard enough that you can hear the rocks cry out that Jesus is Lord. So i listened tonight, I didn't hear rocks crying but I started listening to all the animals and i realized we have no idea what they are saying and then i thought what if all they know how to do is praise God. I mean like that's all they ever do when they speak, i honestly wouldn't be surprised. I read that the fact that birds are alive is a miracle in of itself because every morning somehow they find enough worms to survive. They don't worry about where it will come from they just know God will provide. Quite beautiful to think about.

I start back at work this week. I want to make an impact this year.
Peace, Love, Faith.

heading home..........

my last entry from school for the year. It's going to be nice to be home for a while. I need some serious R & R. Work starts tomorrow though so well see if that actually happens.
Keep loving each other and the Lord, peeps.
Peace.

the goodnight moon.....

its the end of freshman year. I've grown up a lot this year, but i still have a long way to go. It's been hard at times but i wouldn't trade my experience in college for anything. Many thanks to my friends new and old for keeping me going. Most of all thanks be to God for being the source of all strength in my life and for his grace and willingness to put up with my crap. Now on to Romania.

I am broken.......

i don't understand God sometimes, but I do know that He has a purpose.
Life kinda bites right now, pray for me.
Keep the love coming.

silver wings.............

From tender years you took me for granted
But still I deign to wander through your lungs
While you were sleeping soundly in your bed,
(Your drapes were silver wings, your shutters flung)

I drew the poison from the summer's sting,
And eased the fire out of your fevered skin.
I moved in you and stirred your soul to sing;
And if you'd let me I would move again.

I've danced 'tween sunlit strands of lover's hair;
Helped form the final words before your death.
I've pitied you and plied your sails with air;
Gave blessing when you rose upon my breath.

And after all of this I am amazed,

That I am cursed far more than I am praised.

to be broken...........

the past few weeks or so have tugged at my heart in so many ways. I felt like God was paying no attention to my desire to know Him better to grow and be broken. Then something got triggered last night that just made me feel this immense presence of God on my life. Like He was saying "ready when you are". I'm staring to see that God is my best friend in life. He's with me when i make a fool out of myself and when i put my pride in front of Him(way to often on this one). I mean its nice to have a friend that stays literally right by your side. I really feel like he's saying I'm going to teach you to be a a man of God.

I read today in Acts about Phillip and the eunuch. How Phillip kind of came along side of the man and he was trying to figure out a passage of scripture. It simply says Phillip came alongside him and "told him the good news of Jesus". I thought that was so simple but cool at the same time. It makes me want to hit the streets and start spreading the word. I'm still learning how to approach witnessing with out coming of as insincere, dumb, or forceful. It's a delicate balance that I'm learning.


Anyway, keep the faith in both the moments you feel like God is not there and when He does feel near. He is near.

Faith
Hope
Love

christian music.............

I've been struggling lately with the term Christian music. I hate the term i think its stupid that bands would label themselves when their supposed goal is to reach the lost. I'm sorry but i have a hard time believing that non-Christians are going to listen to something labeled Christian. Anyway i came across this blog about the whole issue from a member of the band Sophia, I agree whole heartily with what hes saying.

4.15.08 - reflection

i have been pondering for some time what role we all should play in this world... i have thinking about things like:
why does it seems as though my endeavors into doing this christian band thing always seem to come up short?
how far we must subvert ourselves from the empire before we can call ourselves christians?
why can we call this christian music when it looks and acts just like secular music?

for the longest time i have been increasingly hesitant to confidently answer yes to the question of whether or not sophia was a christian band or if our lyrics were christian... everytime i am asked that question i wonder when God abandoned art in the first place... and is jesus only supporting my band because i tell him too?

the honest to God point is, i don't really know where the line is between the sacred and secular is... i'd like to think that it doesn't exist and that everyone who is earnestly trying to create art is in fact sanctified in doing so because ultimately creation is the foundation of theology... that is to say where did we come from? and also the first thing written in the bible says that God created... so to me, if i am creating then i most certainly am in a place of divinity...

so if my art or music isn't anymore christian than the other guys then what the hell am i doing here? God will always be found in the things that are beautiful (he is found in other things to i assure you)... but it is a pity that we are teaching people that only the christian music industry are the artists that are presenting God... and then they build their sky scrapers, and they sell their tshirts and they collect their money and build their empire until pretty soon the ones that are presenting God are in fact selling God just like the other the empire is...

this is all such bad theology, i think...

last weekend we played another church show and often times i grow weary of pretending like i am a rockstar in front of a bunch of teen agers... however i found a place of contentment in the night when i was introduced to an organization called jesus>.org ... now i assure you that they are not perfect and in fact i think they are just getting started but... i became excited about this organization not because of necessarily how successful they were or how cool their tshirts were but because of their posture...i suggest you go and look onto their website and learn about them...

one of their ministries was that they set up a scholarship fund for children whose parents died in the iraqi war... they had no political agenda except that the gospel seeks peace and healing... they are not a christian organization just because they do this in the name of jesus but because they posture themselves in a way that says they believe the gospels to be true

it was how they oriented themselves to the tragedies (war, poverty, etc) of this world...that brought me inspiration... they seek wholeness... they seek healing... they seek love...

and perhaps that is what we are supposed to be... not building our own empire that is better than their empire... but building an empire that is subversive to that... instead of us all seeking the american dream of fame and fortune... we seek a life of financial poverty in hopes of discovering the life that exists their... instead of seeking power... we seek submission... instead of seeking our own dreams... we seek love, the dream of God...

the christian music industry cannot be ordained by God if it continues to seek the American empire... we must abandon this title until we are fully ready to sell all that we have (if called to it), to be humble, to be submissive, to call out to the oppressed, to share the sufferings of the broken... when we are ready to give away our dreams of vanity and selfishness then we can begin to do the ministry of Christ Jesus...

reform.


steve

showbread.............

I'm not a huge fan of this band but i absolutely love this song. Its a great picture of how great our God is and how small we are in his presence. I like the lyrics a lot, so just let God touch your heart through these lyrics...................

I am made of parts that freeze and ligaments that atrophy
Though they look they'll never see
They don't know something's wrong with me
And just as well, I'll never tell what's underneath the scales
I've worn to thin to honor you, my every effort fails
Bury me with Israel and cover up my tracks
Leave not a trace of what I was, I'm never coming back
And if you're mercy falls upon he whose blood is cold
Unearth me with your hands of love and never break your hold

The world is full of ones like me
Who need to see the truth
But the truth is never truth indeed
The truth is only you

Jesus bless the crocodiles, forgive the cobras and all the snakes
Open up your arms to carry all of our mistakes
Suck the venom from every bite and vomit every drop
Some of us may bite your hand but some of us will not
And every knee will bow before you, each forked tongue confess
My selfishness will rot in me and I will seek your rest
Still some lizards flee from you, ashamed of all they've been
So Jesus take myself from me, never bring it back again

The world is full of ones like me, who need to see the truth
But the truth is never truth indeed, the truth is only you
The world will soon become extinct, the age will pass away
And all will know that you are God, hallowed be your name

Jesus bless the crocodiles, forgive the cobras and all the snakes
Open up your arms to carry all of our mistakes
Forgive the basilisk, forgive the moccasins and adders too
Have mercy on each alligator that never lived for you
I myself hatched from an egg, no white light from above
Just another ancient serpent that never earned your love
But still you find me underneath the rocks and in the ground
I cowered there just short of air and never made a sound
It's true that I'm in love with you, and even in my shame
You wipe away the imperfections and take away the pain
You wrap your loving arms around this wretched thing called me
Your love is all I'll ever need, your love has set me free

The truth is only you.

I walk the world on insect legs beneath an unforgiving sun
Eat the dirt throughout my days On the dirt and dirt I come undone
Messiah born in Bethlehem won't find me lying there
The world's too big for him to see me or hear the things I've said
Hold me to you as I pray, Take the rest of the world away
My blood runs warm because of you, The scales fall out of my eyes
I laughed in the keep of a man with a rose my mandibles are caked in trash
Thought you wouldn't recognize me, in the black of soot and ash
Don't turn deaf into my voice, but one thing I want you to know:
I have always loved you though my life has never said so
Hold me to you as I pray, Take the rest of the world away
My blood runs warm because of you, The scales fall out of my eyes
Hold me to you as I pray, Take every other thing away
My heart is breaking out for you, The scales are out of my eyes

I love you Lord, and I lift my voice
To worship you, Oh, my soul rejoice
Take joy my King in what you hear
May it be a sweet, sweet sound in your ear

the blessing................

So in just like a week of sending out letters to friends and family I've raised enough money to cover half the cost of my trip(between donations, work, and money saved up). So to anyone who has donated to the Chris Powers going to Romania fund i thank you very much. God is good.

God gave me a fantastic week this week. I saw blessing in my friends lives and in my own. I'm starting to get a clearer picture of life, God is defogging the window so to speak. He blows me away in so many ways and yet i know so little about Him. I'm still very much learning but God has really started to put this desire in me to just absolutly cling to Him. I kinda like that actually.

Love you all.
Hope.
Faith.

like a fine wine...........

life. It has moments that burn, hurt, and are hard to swallow. It has moments of bittersweetness were we have to make hard decisions that hurt but we know are right. Then it has amazing moments of authentic passion, love, and joy and those my friends are the moments that make it all worth it. Though I'm starting to finally find God in all these moments. He has been persistent through it all and given me the strength to go on. I came across this little article written about Aaron Gallispie. For those of you who don't know who that is he's the drummer of Underoath and the man behind The Almost. Anyway, i'm not saying Aaron is one of my heroes or anything but i do respect the man for his character in Christ. He is what real Christianity looks like. Heres the exert, i find it to be quite moving. It was written by Jamie from To Write Love On Her Arms. Check it:

I never knew Johnny Cash, and I haven’t met Bono, but I wonder if Aaron Gillespie might be cut from the same mold. Raw and real. Anxious and honest. Enormous talent, inside a life that points to redemption and grace.

My friendship with Aaron can be traced back to a dead video camera battery and an evening in Detroit on last summer’s “Warped Tour.” I had heard whispers of Aaron’s story, and I decided the best way to hear it would be to schedule some time with the man himself.

Aaron and I sat outside his bus in the dark Detroit night. We jumped straight into it—his music and his story, and where it all started. Unfortunately, the battery in my camera lasted about 10 minutes (I’m not so good at journalism). I expected the conversation to end when the red light stopped flashing, but Aaron surprised me.

The rest was unofficial. It was something better. Real life. We talked about pain, hope, grace, redemption, healing. We talked about music—where it comes from and why it matters. We talked about love—the kind that looks upon a broken, anxious rock star and finds itself inside a humble husband. The story is one of healing and hope—a once-probable disaster replaced by a diamond ring for a good woman and a house full of dogs and drums in Tampa.

His song “Amazing, Because It Is” got me through last summer. It is a song that shouldn’t work on the “Warped Tour.” “Amazing” starts slow and borrows its chorus from a 240-year old hymn. There was no moment on tour that came close to seeing that song come to life every day—grace most at home where you least expect it. And then Aaron’s simple words near the close of The Almost set: “I want you to know that you’re special, that you’re beautiful. I want you to know that Jesus loves you…” Most guys would get booed off the stage, but Aaron’s earned the right to be heard. If they trust you—and if the songs are great—you can talk about anything.

Aaron Gillespie makes it easier for me to believe in God. I think it’s that he’s aware of his own need. It is the place he’s always lived, and I suppose it provides some explanation for his songs as well. If any music should ever be called Christ-like, it should certainly be honest. I’m thankful for the gifts God has given Aaron and for the way he’s using them. Like I said, I’m not much of a journalist, so my favorite part might be that I get to call the guy friend.

the lessons we learn..........

God has an amazing way of taking moments of failure and turning them into lessons that make us stronger. I learn more and more each day that God is amazing, sufficient, and graceful. I mess up so much but I'm starting to see life is like one big classroom that we constantly reinvent ourselves in. We take what we have learned and we apply it to drive us towards are goal of being more like Christ. I really think that is a goal that Christ wants us to achieve and is trying to use each moment and breath to push us towards it.

Had my first meeting for the new gathering thing I'm starting up. It went really well, I'm excited about the potential we have.

Anyway, it's been a long night.
Love you all.
Keep it real.

cut......

So I'm writing a paper on cutting right now. Its been very hard for me to write because i had friends who did it in high school. I literally get sick in my stomach whenever i start to think about it. I always just want to hold every single person that deals with this problem. It's really things like cutting that tell me more than anything that Jesus is the answer to every one's problems. He is the only one that can truly heal the scars on these people, by pulling them close and telling them it'll be ok. For information on the stories of these people check out To Write Love On Her Arms. Its a great organization that I hold dear to my heart because they care and believe in loving people.

Here are some words that i found quite beautiful from mewithoutyou tonight. It just really describes our desperate need for God and the little purpose we have outside of him.

"Carousels"

On a bus ride into town, I wondered out loud, "Why am I going to town?"

As I looked around at the billboards and the stores I thought, "Why do I look around?"
And I kissed the filthy ground...the first dry spot I found...
I didn't have to wonder why I was laying down.

Before long I was too cold...took a bus back to the station,
I found a letter left by a pay phone with no return contact
And it read like a horn blown by some sad angel,
"Bunny, it was me...it was me who let you down"
It was the shyest attempt I'd ever seen at conversation.

But if I didn't have You as my guide, I'd still wander lost in Sinai,
Counting the plates of cars from out-of-state,
How I could jump in their path as they hurry along!
And You surround me, You're pretty but You're all I can see
Like a thick fog...
If there was no way into God,
I would never have laid in this grave of a body for so long.

And St. Cyril's fair always came through the first week of September
But it's already the 19th...and there's no sign of it...
Yet I have a hard time remembering all the things I should remember
And a hard time forgetting all the things that I was supposed to forget.
And, Christ, when You're ready to come back,
Then I think I'm ready for You to come back;
But if You want to stay wherever exactly it is You are,
That's okay, too...it's, it's really none of my business.

And if I didn't have You as my guide, I'd still wander lost in Sinai
Or down by the tracks watching trains go by
To remind me: there are places that aren't here.
And I had a well but all the water left,
So I'll go ask Your forgiveness with every breath,
And if there was no way into God,
I would never have laid in this grave of a body...so long, dear.

Love song, for the lonely......

This is my reaction to all the love songs i had to hear last night. No offense to Josh Bales but a lot of people don't get to have all the love he's feelin'. Hope you like it.

So I sit here
with my hands in my lap
and my legs crossed
listening to a guy sing about
something i can't figure out
another love song
and I might throw up

This is a love song, for the lonely
just an anthem, for those not so lucky
for the ones who will walk home alone

This room feels like
it's full of romance
but I'm empty
and every guy here
wants to grab the girl next to him
and kiss her
I think I'm getting sick to my stomach

This is a love song, for the lonely
just an anthem, for those not so lucky
for the ones who will walk home alone

and I'm sorry I don't feel the same as you
but I think I speak for us all
when I say we get carried away
in the emotional times, i think its a lie
so let me out of this room
I may pass out soon
If I don't get away from here

This is a love song, for the lonely
just an anthem, for those not so lucky
for the ones who will walk home alone

In other news God is awesome and i love my friends, that is all.
Faith.
Hope.
Love.

How to see God.....

So I'm starting to see God. I'm starting to realize how much God is with me and how He is a part of everything. I sat tonight in a room surrounded by friends and listened to music that i though i would like and didn't end up liking. But it was strange as i sat there laughing with these friends, i felt God there just sitting beside me saying "see how happy i can make you when you let me". I just smiled and whispered "thank you" under my breath.

I'm starting to want to feel that more, see God in the simple things in life. The way a friend smiles, the way we put ourselves in awkward situations, the way the sun shines and the wind blows. the way i feel with my windows down with my stereo cranked loud, the way i feel about my friends, the way i silently ask God to never let moments end.

I just feel Him everywhere, its a nice way to live you should try it sometime. That said Josh Bale is a tool and nothing but a sappy love song writer. Yet even though i didn't like the music, i saw God in him too. Plus i got to write a love song for the people not in love. Its sweet I'll post it later.

Love You.

slowdown..........

sometimes i get so eager in my life and people then have to force me to slow down. This happens with every single thing, even when i have good intentions, i tend to go overboard. It's simply one of my thousands of flaws but i do think its pretty cool that God still loves me despite these deficiencies. The big one that hit me today is getting impatient with myself, about a relationship I wanted to get moving. I hate when i catch myself doing these things because then i feel ridiculous afterward. One day I'm perfectly content with my life the next i long after something else. What this ultimately is misplaced desire. When i should be desiring God more I desire something else to fulfill me. I'm just to stupid to see it until someone points it out.

I don't understand it but I'm such an impatient person that i just let that drive me and my desires. If there's one thing that I've learned about God it's that he's extremely patient because he puts up with our stupidity constantly. So if I've ever acted like n idiot around you i do apologize and I'm not going to promise i wont don't do it again because i probably will, but i will strive to be better.

I'm officially switching to comm studies with a concentration in organizational communication. Basically I'm getting to pick an choose what classes i want to take. It will allow to open so many doors and i think I'm going to be living in Ireland for a bit in the process. Hopefully more on that later.

Heres a lyric i wrote recently that kind of hits exactly how i feel about love right now.

"Take the lead"
she said to me
you know this place better than I do
on my knees
begging please
that these days won't end without you

January 3rd, your leaving town
and I am so busy with school
but if I made the time
maybe I would find
something worth fighting to keep

and if this is still a game
than I've got more to learn
but if love is still on hold
then please just take the lead

Summer is a lonely time
hours spent living life
for a paycheck at the end of the week
that makes me miss friends
and the time we spent together

and if this is still a game
than I've got more to learn
but if love is still on hold
then please just take the lead

and I promise this is more than
just another thing I'll give up on
it means more to me
so just take the lead

downtrotten.....

i often feel this way about life. I get into these depressed states for a few days normally focusing around problems I'm dealing with. i guess this weekend i was feeling a little on the depressed side. Somehow i always find refuge and hope in Gods word though. so i guess that's what this post is about hope.

In John 14:18-19 Jesus says "I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Yet a little while and the world will see me no more, but you will see me. because I live, you also will live"

This verse is pretty amazing to me. The comparing us to orphans is beautiful comparison in my opinion it really is how I feel a lot of the time. I think it really is who we are as people so lost, stumbling around trying to find happiness. Yet we have non just a momentary joy the slowly fads away soon after that moment. Then Jesus comes along and gives us undying joy. That's pretty cool.

Then i love how Jesus puts it when he says they wont see me anymore but you will see me. I think that really encouraging to us. I always find that Jesus places words in my life that i need right when i need them and not a second to late.

That is all.
Peace.
Love.
Hope.

foot washing......

My hall here at Cedarville(basically the people i live near) had a hall meeting last night. My R.A. who I have tremendous respect for read aloud the Easter story and as he ended he said "one thing that Jesus did at that last supper was wash his disciples feet. I'm not going to think of myself worthy enough to wash all your feet tonight but we are all one by one going to wash each other feet".

My first reaction was the natural one "that's gross" but as we He started by washing the first persons feet. I started to see the beauty and power of this image of a man bowing down to another man to wash his feet. Then i saw Jesus doing this at the last supper and my eyes started to water a bit. I then proceeded to wash a friend of mines feet, it was so humbling and wonderful to feel the way Jesus must of felt, as he was wiping clean his disciples feet knowing he would do the ultimate cleaning by laying his own life down soon.

I then climbed into the chair to have my feet cleaned and as a friend of mine started to clean them I lost it a bit emotionally. I saw Jesus before me, washing me clean and giving Himself up so I could be forgiven, so I could some how join Him one day, so i could have a relationship with Him that wasn't superficial but honest and real.

I was shaking by the end of the night and there wasn't one person that wasn't touched in the room i believe. God was so close that night, He was there telling me "see what I'm willing to do for you, see how much I love you". I couldn't help but say "i love you" right back.

I'm taking this Easter season so much more serious this year. Actually serious really isn't the right word, it's more real and not just a story anymore, it's why I'm alive. Praise Him.

Love you all, I'd gladly wash any of your feet.

New Revelations.........

God is so mysterious to me. Some days i want to sit and just have Him speak to me. Other days i feel like putting my fist up to fight Him. Still other days I ignore Him and His hand in my life. Yet through it all he has yet to give up on me and provide for me. Today i once again saw His hand in my life.

This past month has been a rough one for me. I've been trying to figure out what i want to do, if i want to stay at Cedarville, if I'm willing to take on the massive financial debt that Cedarville will impart on me. It's really put me in a mass confusion state of what i really want out of life, who i want to be, and what I'm willing to sacrifice to get there. God honestly scares the crap out of me when he does these things but seeing how He didn't install in us the power of fear, i guess its more of a challenge by Him. I know He's pushing me towards these things i cant see, but i know right now He's really testing my trust in His plan. when i leave Cedarville there is a good chance that I'll have well over a 100,000 dollars in debt. I can't even imagine that amount of money, yet I still feel i need to stay in this place, I feel God will provide and if i end up poor I'd rather be poor and serving the Lord than have no debt at all. My major is defiantly being changed but to what I don't really know, but I think I'll figure it out by His grace.

So now I enter a new chapter in my life. The road to a life serving Him somewhere, somehow, with people who need more help than I do.

Peace. Love. Hope.

breaking point.....

So I'm going to take some time to thank my friends. They are honestly the best people i could possibly be blessed with. I lost someone rather close to me this weekend yet i had a great weekend. made a lot of new friends too who have been amazing. Anyway, just pointing out Gods persistent grace.

I got into a conversation with my friend Lee the other night. He's really an inspiration because he's had cancer three times and still loves life. Anyway he was telling me about a friend of his who committed suicide and how he felt it was the only way out. We talked about how hard that was for him and stuff. I've always wondered how i would handle that situation, if I could truly be an encouragement to my friends. Anyway i wrote a song from that kids perspective today. so here it is currently untitled.

I am like a ship
on its maiden voyage
who thought she couldn't sink
but now i'm on the ocean floor
I am like a plane
who just got off the ground
but to my dismay
I'm falling down in a firey spiral

So many questions
So few decisions
could put a kid
in an early grave
I feel alive
but I feel alone
and I can't imagine
myself any better

You offer your drugs
but I push away
I know there's no supplement for this
It's always a lie
but I'm paralyzed
by the weight of my pain

So many questions
So few decisions
could put a kid
in an early grave
I feel alive
but I feel alone
and I can't imagine
myself any better

I took a leap
out of a third story window
and as my body crumbled
I thought of you
And what God will say
to me